The Blog That Made No Sense: An Anti-Harry Potter Blog

A New Era

2012-01-14T14:19:00.000-08:00

This is the beginning of a new era, and this new era will be glorious, because we will never again have to hear the words "OMG THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN SEVEN MONTHS!!!"

We here at The Blog That Made No Sense are happy to announce that this is the year 2012, and this year, there is no more Harry Potter for us to deal with at all. In fact, we now have Tyler Potter to deal with as we focus on building his unusual world from beginning to end.

This year, we are turning off the Harry Potter and turning on the other fanfiction that we think is better than Harry Potter and all that it implies. Hopefully, there will be less Harry and more original fantasy.

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Top 10 Alternate Endings to Deathly Hallows – Harry Potter Prognostications Podcast

2011-12-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Alternate Endings to Deathly Hallows – Harry Potter Prognostications Podcast: If you want to know how Harry Potter should have ended, then click the link and prepare to die laughing.

I'll have my own alternative endings to Harry Potter real soon.
'via Blog this'

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Harry Potter is...overrated. | National Novel Writing Month

2011-12-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Harry Potter is...overrated. | National Novel Writing Month:

Well, even on NaNoWriMo do some people think that Harry Potter is kind of overrated. I'll leave you to your opinions as you click the above link to the blog post.

'via Blog this'

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Alternate Endings To Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows - Cartoon Dolls Community - Doll forums and doll maker discussion boards

2011-12-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

Alternate Endings To Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows - Cartoon Dolls Community - Doll forums and doll maker discussion boards: just read these endings to Harry Potter and laugh.

'via Blog this'

Harry Potter movies ranked by Rotten Tomatoes

2011-12-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

And now, just in time for the holidays, we have a little movie reviewing for you...

Now make sure to read only the NEGATIVE movie reviews; I guarantee that you'll get a kick out of them!

Where Have You Been, Tyler?

2011-12-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we have heard from Tyler Potter. Since the time I marked the second anniversary of the Series That Made No Sense blog, he apparently fell off the face of the earth and no one has seen him...until now.

Besides from the clearly obvious "Series That Made No Sense" story, we're going to find out who Tyler had been BEFORE this story reared its ugly head. Also, I'm going to be creating the world that he lived in before Earth called him back.

So don't worry if you don't see Tyler around much...because he's not going anywhere!

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The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman

2011-11-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Long before we had the dreaded "Harry Potter", there was one boy who was destined to become the greatest magician who ever existed on the face of the earth...

This is the story about a young boy named Tim Hunter, and he is taken by the "Trenchcoat Brigade" (a.k.a. John Constanine, the Phantom Stranger, Dr. Occult and Mister E) and they take him through history and different realms in an attempt to educate him about the magical world and his place in it. He meets many magicians and makes a choice that will change his life forever!

Years after I read , I put aside the story until I began hearing about how JKR must have ripped off Neil Gaiman's Books of Magic. After I stopped reading Harry Potter, I began to wonder if I should read Tim Hunter's story.

And I did...after 6 years of putting it off.

I must say that this story was excellent; not because it was done by Neil Gaiman, but because it turned out to be a fantastic story that unites everything that I love about sci-fi and fantasy. I really wish that I could read the whole series and discover more of Tim's world.

And as an afterthought, this should have been the biggest movie of all time, and not Harry Potter.

View all my reviews

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Can You Believe It?

2011-11-16T15:04:00.001-08:00

Image via Wikipedia

Ten years ago, the first Harry Potter movie was released in theaters, which sent off the biggest hype since the Disney movies in the 1990's.

And on July 15, 2011, it all came to an end.

At this blog, we are continuing to talk about what has happened since Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone was released in theaters and how my friends and I all reacted when we found out about said movie. We had seen the first movie about 5 times before one of my friends said that the movie was boring and dull. Not exactly what you want to be saying to me at the time.

But now that I'm looking back on what had happened to me since then, I wondered if the me of 10 years ago would have imagined that I'd be throwing away my obsession with Harry Potter and switching to vampires (and Twilight). And if I were to meet my 10-year-younger self, I would tell her not to get wrapped up in the hype and find something better to obsess over, or better yet, wait for Lord of the Rings.

That is all for this matter.

-----

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Harry Potter & Christianity, Volume 6

2011-11-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

Once again, we have Harry Potter vs. Christianity. These two will never get along...

Oh look, everyone; it's an alternative ending to Harry Potter!

2011-11-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

Click the link below and discover an alternative ending to Harry Potter!

http://www.gregpalast.com/harry-potter-jo’s-other-ending/#more-4642

More Mindless Rant-posts

2011-11-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here, we have more people complaining about how bad Harry Potter (book and movie) really were...

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Sucks!

2011-11-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows was the worst movie and book ever!! I'm not even wasting my time on this pile of filth at all.

Excuse me while I plan to go back in time and make sure that this crap never happened...

Links:

Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince Sucks!

2011-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Cover of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Coming from the epic failure that was the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince ended up being the last Harry Potter book that I read. I could not stomach the inherent romance in the book, nor could I sit through the almost 900-page book without feeling like a loser.

And when I heard that they pulled the plug on the 2008 release of the movie because of Twilight, I finally decided that it was time for me to give up this dumb obsession for good and find another book series that was worth reading. And guess which series I found?

Links

Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix Sucks!

2011-10-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

Keeping with the first blog post that I made, I must reveal that I had not liked reading Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix, nor did I enjoy watching the movie. Little did I know that that would be the final Harry Potter movie that I would watch in life.

Somehow, following my disappointment with the last Harry Potter book, this book did no better. It introduces characters and plot lines that were completely pointless and unnecessary, had over 400 pages of nonsense, and there was no way I could sit through the book without wondering if I was wasting my time with it.

That being said, I have this to say: I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

Link: http://www.revolutionsf.com/article.php?id=3651#

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire Sucks!

2011-10-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, there are scores of people who don't like Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire for all kinds of various reasons. But for me, the reasons why I refused to see the movie are as follows:

I read the book first. As in the first Harry Potter book I read. Shame.
The book wasn't all that great.
Robert Pattinson as Cedric??? Really??? Dumbest choice of actor ever!!
Same with Dumbledore.
The movie left out all the important parts.

Don't get me started on how bad the 3 main actors were.

links:

LOTR vs. Harry Potter

2011-10-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

Lord of the Rings came first.

Harry Potter came second.

Lord of the Rings succeeds where Harry Potter fails.

So why are most readers of LOTR taking a swipe at Harry Potter?

Because JRR Tolkien set the standard for fantasy as we know it today and JK Rowling wrote just another cheap lame story.

Why do we say this?

Because Tolkien's wizards should be held at a higher standard and most wizards in fantasy should be modeled after Gandalf.

But Rowling's wizards come off as stupid and a bit racist; they think they are better than muggles (non magical humans) because they use magic.

How sad is that?

If you want more information regarding this and other issues, then feel free to click on the link below:

http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?4214-Problems-In-Harry-Potter#

The Disturbing Origins of Hayley Snape

2011-10-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

Hayley is the character that was invented when Harry Potter was replaced in "The Story That Made No Sense".

As we all know, Harry Potter had made a wish that he would no longer be Harry Potter after a battle where many people were killed. God grants Harry's wish and transports him into an alternative dimension where his parents are alive and another boy became an orphan due to another wizard's attack.

And since then, nothing has been the same for him.

"The Story That Made No Sense", Harry is Hayley Snape, who is part of a large red-haired family. Severus Snape and Lily Evans hooked up when James Potter abandoned his quest for Lily several years earlier. From that day forth, we see nothing more than pure anger and hatred for Hayley Snape from James/Lily purists, since they think that Lily hooking up with Severus ruined the Harry Potter series. Hayley's life has been nothing short of painful, as he now goes from hero to zero, and being a neglected child to having brothers and sisters that he cannot stand.

And that's not the worst of it.

Hayley ends up going to school and meets a boy named Tyler potter

And after a few incidents, the boys end up having a gay relationship. Of course, the new fandom is all over this new thing, but the purists came out and said that this was wrong and disgusting, and that Hayley should be killed off for "corrupting" their hero.

At this point, the debate is still going strong.

But now, since I had written these words "Hayley looked in the mirror and instead of seeing Tyler (as he had secretly hoped), he saw a girl staring back at him", there has been some speculation as to which girl he was going to end up with. (BTW, I haven't decided who Hayley's going to end up with yet)

But anyway, if Hayley is the product of Lily/Severus, then Harry Potter fans everywhere should have a good reason to be afraid...

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Another Year of Anti-Potterness!!!

2011-09-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

Here we go, folks, another year of anti-Harry potterness come and gone! happy new year!

During this past year, we bid farewell to the story that spawned this blog, namely Harry potter. with the completion of the Harry Potter movies, we can all safely breathe a sigh of relief because there shall be no more.

That's right, folks!

we are now entering a new era in our lives, particularly one that no one will be saying, "OMG! Only six more months until the new Harry Potter movie!!"

Yeah.

We can now laugh as those so-called Harry Potter fans are being heartbroken because the story is finally over.

To be perfectly honest, it wasn't all that great to begin with.

So this year on the blog, we will be exploring the origins of Tyler Potter and the world he lived in BEFORE he was forced to take the place of one Harry Potter. also, we will be listing the various characters and terms that came up in the "Story That Made No Sense" so that you can get a different feel for what the world of Tyler Potter looks like. There will be more anti-Harry Potter quotes, pictures, and fan fiction for us to enjoy.

So here's to another year of anti-potter, and let all your days be filled with anything better than harry potter!

Why am I quitting the Harry Potter fandom?

2011-09-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, good question.

Funny because when I first started going on FanFiction.Net, I had been reading Harry Potter fanfiction, as I was a fan of Harry Potter. I had originally written fanfiction for Harry Potter and planned to be solely a Harry Potter fan fiction writer.

But with the crossover between Harry Potter and Charlie Bone story "Harry Potter and the Children of the Red King", I knew that my days as a Harry Potter fan were numbered. When I published the story "Harry Potter and the Story that made no sense" (which was a parody of the Harry Potter books), I knew that it was time for me to quit my obsession with Harry Potter.

As 2007 became 2008, I had writen several Harry Potter fanfiction stories, all called "Harry Potter and the Lifetime Original Movie", "Harry Potter and a Deadly Romance", "Rats Don't Lie", "Harry Potter & A Loyal Sidekick", "Harry Potter & Merlin's School of Magic", "Harry Potter Redux", and "Who's been reading a bad Harry Potter Fanfiction Story", all which have gotten rave reviews. But I became bored with the Harry Potter fandom, which I thought had gone downhill with "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", which I thought was very boring. And then I had created some other characters and put them into the fandom, where they did better than the Golden Trio. And when I ended several fics with Harry's death, I knew I needed to leave the Harry Potter fandom for good.

So with that, I shall bid farewell to the Harry Potter series and the fandom, knowing that this was only first step to becoming a successful writer. And also, I'll be taking the characters I created for my Harry Potter fanfiction with me and doing other things with them, such as build up an original series of books and injecting them into the books.

But as for the stories "Harry Potter & Merlin's School of Magic", "Harry Potter Redux", and "The Life & Times of Teddy Lupin", they will go on as scheduled.

I'll be writing fanfiction for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Vampire Diaries, The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Mortal Instruments series, His Dark Materials Trilogy, Inkheart Trilogy, Gone series by Michael Grant, The Chronicles of Narnia, Pretty Little Liars, and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer in addition to the Twilight Saga, Artemis Fowl, the Inheritance Cycle, Charlie Bone, and A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Watch for those stories, as you'll never know when I will start writing them!

More Anti-Harry Potter quotes

2011-08-31T08:03:00.000-07:00

And now for some more anti-Harry Potter quotes:

95% of the people would cry if Harry Potter was no longer popular. 1% would not care. The other 4% would party day and night! (note I'm that 4%)
Harry Potter is about being a bully and hurting others, and getting away with it. It's not about friendship and magic at all.
If Harry Potter were real, he'd be hooked on drugs before his fifth year.
96% of the people would freak out if they saw Harry Potter about to jump off a bridge. 4% would be shouting, "DO IT, YOU FRICKING PUSSY!!!"(note I'm that 4%)

More will come...

Article about how the Harry Potter movies succeeded and the books failed.

2011-08-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

There is an old line that says "never judge a book by its movie". It has also been suggested that books are always better than movies. But there are some movies that have been better than the books.

Mainly the Harry Potter books.

Here's the article that talks about it: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/07/how-the-harry-potter-movies-succeeded-where-the-books-failed/241884/

Harry Potter vs. Other Books

2011-08-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

And the debate about Harry Potter and other books goes on...
(Warning...some of this stuff may bash Harry Potter...read at your own risk!!!)

Last but not least...

2011-08-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Here are some more articles I picked up on my anti-Harry Potter quest...(read with discretion)

Christianity vs Harry Potter

2011-08-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I think this post is self-explanatory:

For Those who still think Harry Potter sucks...

2011-08-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

As hard as it is to believe, there are some people in the world who don't like Harry Potter for whatever reasons. Here's some more blog posts and essays for anyone who doesn't like Harry Potter:

I am not responsible for any offended Harry Potter fans who read these articles, since it is not for them to read in the first place.

Harry Potter Withdrawl...

2011-08-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling sad because the Harry Potter series is (FINALLY) over? Don't feel too bad, guys, for I have some links for you to read regarding the end of Harry Potter:

The Night Harry Potter Went Crazy (to the tune of Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy")

2011-07-31T18:33:00.000-07:00

Down in old Hogwarts, all the wizards were mocking, / All the good Christian girls and the good Christian boys. / When the boy-who-lived busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death, Had a .22 in his hands and Budweiser on his breath. / From his glasses to his shoes he was covered with ammo, / Looking like the wizard's version of the great Rambo. / And he smiled at everyone as he began to laugh, / "Merry Christmas to all- now you're all gonna DIE!"

The night Harry Potter when crazy, / The night the boy wizard went insane! / Realized he'd been getting a raw deal, / Something finally must have snapped in his brain!

Well, Hogwarts is gone now, he decided to bomb it / Everywhere you'll find pieces of what once had been Hagrid. / And he tied up the Gryffindors and he held the Slytherins hostage, / And he ground up poor Greyback into werewolf sausage. / He got Filch and Umbridge with a World War 2 rifle, / And he slashed up Old Voldie just like Jigsaw. / And he picked up a blowtorch and he roasted Nagini. / And he took a big bite and said, "WOW! It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Harry Potter when crazy, / The night the Boy-Who-Lived went nuts. / Now there's no way you can walk around Hogwarts / Without steppin' in wizard guts!

Now you won't believe it, it's all over the news / all the news stations and newspapers exploded / And as the spells are flying, the body count's rising / the names of all those who died were being recalled / we all sat there and wondered to ourselves oh why oh why oh why / Harry Potter used to be a good guy, / but now he's taken a walk off the crazy cliff / and all the while we are thinking / what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks was J. K. Rowling drinking?

Yes, Albus-Severus, now your daddy's doing hard time, / He's in Azkaban for his infamous crime. / Hey, tell your family not to cry no more tears / He'll be out of there within the next 50 years. / But now the Malfoys are seeing Dr. Phil and and Snape's still nervous, / And Neville got a new job working for the Queen. / And as for Hermione, they say that she went to Hollywood, / where she met up with M. Night Shyamalan to plot out the movie!

It'll be about...the night Harry Potter when crazy. / The night the boy wizard flipped. / all he wanted was a normal life, / Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' tricked. / Wo, the night Harry Potter went crazy. / The night the Boy-Who-Lived went insane, / he simply went downhill since "Deathly Hallows" / Something finally must have snapped in his brain. / Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain! / Tell ya, something must have snapped... in his brain!

Chapter 4 of History Repeats Itself

2011-07-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

To make a long story short, the wizards took the Saint-Michael children and little Cygnus and went back to where Jacquel was. Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw Riley’s scar and learned of the tragic demise of Stacey and Tillie Saint-Michael. She and the Weasleys wept for their deaths and all felt sorry for the little children.

Harry and Ginny took James and Riley home amid celebrations of the baby’s victory over Maglar the Assassin. The girls went home with Jacquel and Jaden. Fredegar went home with Ron and Hermione. Cygnus returned to her mother.

Many people and wizards cheered this unexpected victory. They cheered for the boy who survived and the girl who saved him. They raised goblets of wine and shouted, “Long live Riley Justin Saint-Michael, the Boy Who Lived! Long live Cygnus AthenaMcGonagall, the Girl Who Saved Him!”

But the next day, the entire wizarding world grieved for the death of the son of Stanislaus Saint-Michael and his wife. They were laid to rest in a tomb near his birthplace. Harry stood at the grave clinging to his son’s tiny hand and staring at the one who should have lived. He swore, “Stace, I’m sorry I forgot to play the hero and save you, but now I’m going to take good care of Riley. He will become the hero that I failed to become. I won’t let him fail the way I did.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And in Heaven, an unplanned family reunion was taking place.

10 years later, Riley Justin Saint-Michael was on his way to Hogwarts.

==================================================

This story is now finished.

Chapter 3 of History Repeats Itself

2011-07-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

When several minutes had passed, James and his siblings left their room and went downstairs. The entire house had been destroyed and both their parents weredead. Fredegar and the little girls began to cry. James was too upset to cry. Instead, that feeling turned to anger. Cygnus came out of the den, carrying baby Riley. She said, “The Assassin is dead. I have killed him. But he killed your parents.”

James said, “You mean that the Assassin killed mom and dad?”

Cygnus said, “I’m sorry, James, but Stacey and Tillie Saint-Michael are dead.”

At this, the children began to cry. “You mean mommy and daddy are gone forever?” asked Stacey Louise Claire.

“Mommy and daddy are not coming back,” said James sadly.

The children cried again, this time James, Riley, and Cygnus cried too. At this, Harry and Jaden showed up. They had seen the explosion and went to see if the Morgan family was OK. But when they got there, all they saw was a destroyed house and six small children sitting in it.

“Oh my God!” cried Jaden. “The Assassin has attacked Stacey Morgan!Stacey and Tillie are dead!”

“What?” cried Harry. But nothing in the world had prepared the auror for what he was about to see: his old friend and his wife were lying dead on the floor of their house. For several moments, Harry dropped to his knees and wept. He could not believe that Stacey was dead and whatever children he had besides his godson James were now orphans.

“Hi Harry!” yelled little Cygnus as she stepped out with Riley, James, and the other children. Harry snatched James and gave him a hug. James cried out, “Mom and dad are gone, Uncle Harry! The mean man came and killed them!” Harry nodded as he looked at the sleeping baby. Little Riley Morgan had a moon shaped scar, much like Harry’s lightningbolt scar. Harry suddenly became very angry. “That Assassin just HAD to give little Riley that scar!” he snapped in anger. “It’s just like my story won’t end.”

“But that story has already ended,” Jaden tried to reassure him.

“You don’t understand, Jade,” said Harry. “My story is repeating itself because I had failed to see the significance behind my heroic act. All my life, I wanted to be normal, and not the Savior of the Wizarding World. But now it all comes back and blows up in my face.” He looked at the tiny boy, who was the hero of the hour. “Perhaps I’ll take Riley home and teach him how not to repeat my mistake,” said Harry.

Chapter 2 of History Repeats Itself

2011-07-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

At the Morgan home, Stacey was reading to his daughter Stacey Louise Claire as Tillie tried to get four restless children to go to bed. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Stacey went to the window, followed by Tillie and baby Riley. He was there. The Assassin whose true name no one dared to say.

“Oh my God! It’s the Assassin! I don’t know how he found us, but he did! Run for it, Tillie!” screamed Stacey as the doorknob was turning.

The evil man stood in the doorway. Tillie screamed and snatched her baby son, fleeing into the den. James and the other children ran downstairs. Tillie saw them and yelled, “Get back in your room and lock the door! NOW!” Matilda and Stacey Louise Claire cried as their brothers took them back into their room and locked the door.

Stacey saw Maglar and yelled out, “Hey, you’re that Assassin Harry and Ginny told me about! You’re gonna pay for all those people you killed!”

The evil man laughed. “I see. Now you must die!”

“But why must I die?” cried Stacey. “What did I do?”

“You betrayed me many years ago,” said the Assassin. “And you have the fortune which is rightly mine.”

“What do you mean I have the fortune which is rightly yours?” yelled Stacey. “As I may recall, you lost out when you killed my mother! You betrayed your own father to the Dark Lord! You are unworthy of getting the fortune!”

“You fool! Say hello to your mother for me!” yelled Maglar as he pulled out his wand. He waved his wand and yelled, “Avada Kedavra!” And in a moment, Stacey Morgan fell to the ground. He was dead.

Tillie took Riley and shoved him in a closet as the Assassin pounced on her. “You there!” he yelled at Tillie. “You married this traitor! Now you must prepare to die!”

“What did I do to you?” snapped Tillie. “I had nothing to do with what happened to you!”

“You liar,” said the Assassin as he flashed his wand. “Avada Kedavra!” Very soon, Tillie Tilden Morgan fell dead. The Assassin laughed loudly as he looked at Riley. “Come out and play, Riley Morgan!"

Riley crawled out and yelled, “Hi!” The Assassin pulled out his wand and zapped him. But something amazing happened: the moment Riley was zapped; the deadly spell rebounded and hit the Assassin. He screamed, “What in all the hells is going on here?” Just as he was about to kill Riley, a shrill voice rang out.

“Step away from that baby!”

They turned and stared at a small girl dressed in an outfit worn in Kill Bill. She was wielding a wand the way a soldier would wield a sword. “Fear me, Dark One, for I do not fear you!” she said, with a hiss in her voice. And just like her mother before her (Amber Dumbledore), 5-year-old Cygnus Athena McGonagall was facing a sworn enemy.

The evil wizard laughed. “I dare you to fight me!” he yelled. But little Cygnus simply stared at her enemy. She would not let him get near the baby at all. “You’re just a little girl. You can’t beat me!”

He shouldn’t have been so cocky. Just like her mother, Cygnus proved to be a powerful and deadly fighter. She zapped him repeatedly whenever he went near the baby, or pounced on him and beat him up. She looked at Riley and saw a crescent moon shaped cut on his right cheek. “Oh, so you hurt a little baby?” she screeched. “Now you shall die!” She proceeded to kill the Assassin. Riley grabbed a wand that belonged to James and waved it, killing the Assassin. He let out a horrible scream as Cygnus swung herself over to a window.

“Now you, beg for mercy from Cygnus!” she yelled as she signed her name onto the window with her wand the way Zorro would sign his signature Z with his sword. The Assassin, now deprived of any way of life, fled from the house into the night, leaving two dead adult wizards and six tiny children in a destroyed house.

Chapter 1 of History Repeats Itself

2011-07-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

21-year-old Harry was tired of telling his life story. For the last 4 years, Harry had submitted to talk show interviews, writing his memoirs, and having his story turned into a big screen movie. Many teens and adults wrote all sorts of crazy stories about him on the Internet. But all he wanted to do was live a normal life with his wife, Ginny, and their 1-year-old son, Sirius.

Well, needless to say, the wizarding war had ended when Harry turned 17 years old. The Order of the Phoenix had won. Many Death Eaters had either died or were in Azkaban. So were many of the Knights of the Forgotten Princess, who were either slain by the Death Eaters or by their own disabled siblings, who were loyal to the Dark Lord. Among the slain Knights was Sean Michael Black, leader of the Knights who was the uncle of Harry’s friend, Stacey Morgan and Sean’s father, Seamus LeSouse-Rowes, who was Stacey’s grandfather.

And in case you were wondering if Harry finally beats the Dark Lord, get a load of this: When they were in combat, Voldemort broke Harry’s wand. Harry smashed his enemy’s wand into pieces. But then the Dark Lord pulled out the broken wand of the dead Peter Pettigrew and tried to kill him. But Severus Snape (who sold the Death Eaters and Voldemort out to the Order) tossed Harry his unbroken wand, thus enabling the Boy Who Lived to finally kill Lord Voldemort and redeem himself as well. This time, the Dark Lord is dead forever, not because all the horucruxes were destroyed, but because the guy was too old, too ugly, too evil, and was already dead to begin with.

To make a long story short, Harry graduates from Hogwarts and eventually marries Ginny Weasley and they have a son named Sirius. Harry’s friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger also marry. But if you want to know what happens to them next, read here.

Tonight was Halloween 2001, 20 years to the day when his family was attacked, his parents died, and he got a lightning bolt scar on his head. Harry had recently attended a Halloween party thrown by Jacquel Romanov and her 2-year-old twins, Harriet and Thomas Marcel and 1-year-old Renée. She had yet to marry their father, Jaden Kastianopolis. But now, he was tired and wanted to sleep. His family was already asleep. Before the night is over, Harry would experience the death of an old friend and he would be thrown back to a time he would very much like to forget.

Several miles from Harry was his good friend, 21-year-old Stacey Morgan. He lived in Bristol with his wife, Tillie Tilden, and their children, 7-year-old James, 6-year-old Fredegar, 4-year-old Matilda, 3-year-old Stacey Louise Claire, and 1-year-old Riley. Unlike Harry, Stacey never got tired of telling his life story. He and his wife would describe the very intimate details of their lives on talk shows and in books while Harry kept a good portion of his private life away from the world. On Halloween 2001, 20 years after both Harry’s parents were killed, Stacey left Jacquel’s Halloween party early and went home to play with his children.

Unknown to them, an old enemy lurked in the shadows, ready to make himself known once again. His name was Benjamin Saint-Michael, now known as Maglar the Assassin. Maglar wanted revenge after learning that Stacey and Harry had betrayed him when they were 14 years old. He would have inherited the Saint-Michael fortune had it not been for Stacey and Jaden, not to mention Rodney Virgil, Corrine Virgil Samson, and Gabriel Snape Saint-Michael. Maglar was determined to make Stacey pay for this travesty with his life.

Later that night, Jacquel, Hermione, and Ron were seen pacing the streets of London, waiting for Harry to arrive. Ginny was also with them. Jacquel said, “I have a feeling that it has happened again.”

“What happened again?” asked the Weasleys.

“Harry’s story,” said Jacquel as she looked at the sky. Jacquel was the Chosen One, and one of her strongest powers were clairvoyance and seeing past events. “I believe that Maglar has struck again.”

Hermione looked at her best friend. Jacquel Romanov had been a bit on edge for quite some time, ever since she learned of the rising of Maglar 3 years ago, and his quest to kill all disabled people, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and all people born out of wedlock. The evil man didn’t care if they were wizards or muggles. He killed them all the same. “Maybe Maglar has decided to give up on this stupid quest,” said Hermione. “He knows that he can’t kill everyone.”

Ron was about to respond when an explosion was heard, knocking all four wizards off their feet. Suddenly the sky went completely dark, so it was impossible to see anything. Within a few minutes, the darkness vanished and the stars came out, shining brighter than ever before. Jacquel broke the silence by saying what everyone else had been thinking: “Maglar the Assassin has been defeated!”

History repeats itself…because he didn’t listen!

2011-07-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Date written: December 2, 2006

Synopsis: Ever wonder what would happen if the events of Halloween 1981 were to repeat itself on Halloween 2001? Well, a certain boy wizard is all grown up and with his own family and he gets the most devastating news ever, which will bring him back to a time that he would most certainly like to forget. But he can’t, and memories start to flood in his head. In short, his story repeats itself and he finds himself being a mentor to another Boy Who Lived…

Setting: Bristol, England

People/Parings: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Jacquel, Jaden, Ginny; Stacey Morgan, Tillie Tilden Morgan, James Morgan, Fredegar Morgan, Matilda Morgan, Stacey Louise Claire Morgan, Riley Morgan, Cygnus McGonagall

Genre: Horror; Fantasy; Tragedy

Rating: PG, for angst, scenes of violence, and some scary moments

Warning/Spoilers: Beware: there are spoilers for the first and last book if you haven’t read it already! It is sooo evil!

Disclaimer: I am NOT J. K. Rowling, and if I were, then I would be writing that damn 7th book!

The End of an Era (but NOT this blog!)

2011-07-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this, then you have reached the end of the Harry Potter era.

The whole thing began in 2001 with the first Harry Potter movie (but the 4th book was already published) and since then, the whole world was bombarded with Pottermania.

For the next 6 years, I was a Pottermaniac, or until I got bored of it in 2007 and wound up making several anti-Potter fics.

And then in 2009, I just quit the Harry Potter fandom altogether.

I don't know about you, but I won't be seeing the new movie (no matter how much they want me to). But I WILL be throwing a party to celebrate the end of this thing that tricked millions of people into liking it.

So there you go. Have fun watching the movie since I'll be partying my life away.

The Final End of Harry Potter

2011-07-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

(Justice League Unlimited Theme Song plays as scenes from the last seven Harry Potter movies are featured)

-------

Scene 1: Rescuing Jacquel Romanov

Harry: OK guys, I know that we're not technically supposed to be talking to Jacquel, but she's in grave danger and we have to rescue her.

Ron: Yeah, I know.

Hermione: Agreed. She's still our friend.

Harry: I mean it, you guys. I don't want to have to go in there and fight off seven Death Eaters all by myself while you two make out in the back room. We ALL fight together. Got it?

Ron & Hermione: Got it!

Harry: Good. Let's roll!

***

(in the room, where Lucius Malfoy has Jacquel all tied up)

Lucius: Tell me where Potter is!

Jacquel: Are you fricking kidding me? Like I'mma tell you where he is when I'm riding a flying purple unicorn through the psychedelic clouds!

Lucius: I believe that can be arranged...(just then Caius bursts in)

Caius: Let her go!

Lucius: I don't think I can do that. She has something I want.

Caius: She does too! Now hand her over!

Jacquel: Caius? What are you doing here?

Caius: Because I heard you tried to back out of your promise to marry me before your 16th birthday.

Jacquel: I didn't back out of anything; I was at Hogwarts!

Caius: Really? (to Lucius) I don't know what you're talking about, but (points to Jacquel) this girl is my bitch! I own this shit!

Greyback: Really?

Caius: Yes. So if you value your pathetic excuses of a life, you better get to stepping right now! (Death Eaters flee from the room) Now you're mine, Jacquelyn Claire!

Jacquel: Why?

Caius: Because no wizard or vampire or human dare touches what is mine!

***

Harry: All right, Death Eaters! Where is she? You better let her go or else...(Ron and Hermione are making out) Hey you two! What did I say about you guys making out?

Hermione: Well, nobody's stopping her...(points to Jacquel and Caius, who are clearly going at it on the table)

Harry: (stares at Jacquel) Oh God!!! Why???

Jacquel: What? (glares at Harry) Oh come on, Harry, you knew this was coming! As soon as you began dating Ginny, I went to find someone else.

Harry: Well, I don't mind you and Magnus, but you and HIM???

Ron: That's disturbing.

Jacquel: At least you and Hermione weren't engaged when you were 9 years old!

Caius: Or marrying a vampire.

Jacquel: (headslap) Ai yi yi yi yi!!!

-------

Scene 2: Bring Me (Back) to Life

(Moody and Hedwig are found dead)

Tonks: What a shame Moody and Hedwig are dead.

Richard: I know. But that's what my dad wants. He wanted to go down swinging.

Kingsley: But still, there's got to be a way to bring Hedwig back.

Catherine Mueller: I have this magical wand that can bring dead people back to life in my pocket the whole time! (cue ultra dramatic scene as she rushes towards Hedwig and zaps the owl with the wand)

Harry: Hedwig! You're alive! (the owl pulls at his hair rather harshly) Ow! That freaking hurts!

Jacquel: I know, right? She says she's highly pissed that she had to put up with your emo shit only to die in an unnecessary battle.

Ron: It's the hard truth, dude. Live with it.

-------

Scene 3: Greyback Attacks Diagon Alley

(Greyback is running in the streets nude in his werewolf form. Embry and Quil look on in shock)

Embry: Awww, now that's just wrong!

Quil: I know, dude! I'm glad we're just shapeshifters; we'd never do anything offensive like *THAT*!!!

-------

Scene 4: Wormtail, Don't Be a Hero

Dolohov: Prepare to die, Potter!

Wormtail: Oh no you don't, Tony! You'll have to get past ME first! (takes down Dolohov with a spinning back-kick)

Harry: I knew there was some good in you after all! You are indeed James's friend...(just then Edward Cullen shows up and kills Wormtail)

Wormtail: Why'd you kill me, Cedric?

Edward: You killed me first, I kill you back! (to the gasping crowd) You think he's a hero? NOT ON *MY* WATCH!!!

-------

Scene 5: Sean Christian Bale

(Sean is facing Voldemort)

Sean: Do you know who I am?

Voldemort: Prepare to die, Sean, for the last time!!!

Sean: I am THE DARK KNIGHT!!!

Voldemort: Then let me ask you something, oh great and mighty "Dark Knight": (in Heath Ledger's Joker voice) Why so serious?

Random person: Whoopee! (everything comes to a screeching halt)

Sean: What the F-ARF are you doing? I want you off the fricking set, you prick! (random person leaves) What don't you fricking understand? (random person mumbles) Hey, it's fricking distracting! Frick's sake man, you loser! (to audience) You got fricking something to say to this dick? Give me a fricking answer!

Aro: We are the Volturi!

Caius: We are the greatest!

Sean: Oh, good for you! (to J.K. Rowling) Seriously, you and me, we're fricking done professionally. (walks off the set) Fricking bitch...

-------

Scene 6: Twilight=Vampire Pornography

Aslan: I really don't get the point of girls liking this Twilight story.

Luna: Yeah! What does that story got what we don't have?

Ginny: I know...(music plays and scenes from the Twilight movies flash across the screen) It's a vampire pornography, biting girls and kicking wolves; the kind of shit that people like to watch on TV!!! (everyone stares at her strangely) What?

-------

Scene 7: Beware of Jane

(in the Shrieking Shack)

Snape: Well, can't you at least tell Stacey and Gabriel that their father's being reassigned?

Voldemort: I would, but then that would be unfair to the other Death Eaters. Goodbye, Severus. (to Nagini) Bite him...(just then Jane shows up and he is in a world of pain) Aaaaaaahhhh! Who the heck are you??? Why you hurt me like that???

Alec: What are you doing to him, Sis?

Jane: I'm not doing anything to him; he's doing that to himself.

Voldemort: (still screaming) Oh, my life sucks! The world hates me! (continues crying like a baby)

Snape: I'm quitting this Death Eater shit once and for all!

-------

Scene 8: Proper way to use the word "bitch"

Nesma: So, Carlisle, you better just hand yourself over to me or I get to rip your pretty little girl to pieces...

Jacquel: You do that and I'll sucker punch you to Hell!

Carlisle: No, don't hurt Jacquelyn! Take me instead!

Nesma: That's just what I want to hear...(Esme shows up)

Esme: Oh no you don't! NOT MY HUSBAND, YOU BITCH!!! (lunges at Nesma and tears her to pieces)

Jacquel: Oh ewww, that's just freaky!

Bella: Never thought Esme would get so...violent.

Carlisle: I'll say. (Esme hugs him)

Esme: No other woman touches you and lives! (notices Jacquel and Bella staring at them) Oh, sorry about that. But anyway, Nesma was wrong to threaten our family.

Bella: Shall we throw her away?

David, Dorian, & Delia (Trublood): Don't worry, we got this. (sets Nesma's remains on fire) That's for her destroying our family.

-------

Scene 9: Always Quit While You're Still Ahead

Random sounds: All right, guys, let's do this...LEEEEROY JEEENKINS!!! (Death Eaters rush out to attack a random village when the Wolves show up)

Lucius: What are those?

Mulciber: Those are wolves.

Rastaban: You calling them wolves???

Alecto: Look at the size of those things!!!

Bellatrix: They're even bigger than the biggest horses!!

Lucius: Let's get outta here, they are way too many for us! (Death Eaters flee)

Leah: (to wizards) And that's how WE do it back at home!

-------

Scene 10: Your Stupidity Needs To Stop Writing Checks That Your Life Can't Cash

(At Hogwarts)

Neville: Come on, everyone! We take back our school!

Jacquel: Darn! I just lost my wand when Hogsmeade was attacked yesterday!

Neville: Use this replica of Gandalf the White's staff! (hands her the staff) Now let's kick some ass!!!

(at secret campsite)

Harry: Well, you should listen to me because I'm Harry Potter! (everyone stares at him) You know what? Screw the damn horucrux hunt; we're heading back to Hogwarts!

-------

Scene 11: The Calm Before the Storm

Sameth: Well this sucks! I just found out that I have two sisters and we didn't even have enough time to get to know each other!

Ernest: Don't feel too bad, Sameth; at least your father isn't Lord Voldemort.

Saphira: Yeah...that would totally suck.

***

Jacquel: About damn time you got back, Harry! Things have gotten really bad around here.

Ron: Like how?

Neville: The Dark Lord now wants to blow up Hogwarts.

Harry: Can't we get the Navy Seals to dispatch him?

Jacquel: You know, that's not such a bad idea. I'll call those guys who gave Mr. Bin Laden a 1-way ticket to Hell.

Neville: You go ahead and do that. Things are finally looking up for us now.

-------

Scene 12: For the Umpteenth Time

Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, now he has come to die...

Harry: Not unless I kill you first!

Voldemort: We'll see about that! (they raise their wands and aim them at each other, but then someone shows up)

Sean: So, you're picking on him? Well, I have a bone to pick with you! You effed up my life, and now I'm taking it back!

Harry: But I thought it was MY destiny to fight him! Why are you here?

Sean: Same reason they are here...(Harry looks behind him and sees his parents, Sirius, Moody, Dobby, Irene, Shannon, Joanna, Cassandra, Jennifer, Saul, Stanislaus, Cedric, Maria, Duncan, Anastasia, and Ariana)

Harry: Uhhh...OK.

James: Don't worry, Harry. We got this.

-------

Scene 13: The Final Move

Jacquel: This ain't a fight...this is a showdown.

Neville: Not just any old showdown, it's the Ultimate Showdown!!!

Ron: Shall we play that song during the fight scene?

Jacquel: Yup. (song plays as everyone fights)

Song: Harry Potter was walkin' around

London like it was his playground

When suddenly Aretmis Fowl burst from his car

And shot Harry with his fairy gun

Harry got pissed and began to attack

But he got blocked by Klaus Baudelaire

Who proceeded to open up a can of whoop ass on Artemis

When Lyra Belacqua came out of the blue

And she started beating up Klaus and Violet

Then they all got zapped by Ginny

But before she could turn around and run

Anastasia walked out of her grave

And took a bazooka out from under her dress

And she blew Ginny up just like that

But Ron and Hermione decided to jump in

And Sunny bit them and their wands broke

This is the literary showdown...of literary destiny

heroes and villains and battles...as far as I can read

There can be only one winner, we don't know who it will be

This is the literary showdown...of literary destiny

Mrs. Weasley took a belt and started spanking Sunny

Robbie Evans kicked her because that just wasn't funny

And then Caspian X came in swinging his sword

He got into a battle with Neville Longbottom

And Ron was got mad and prepared to attack

When Anastasia smacked him with a machete

Hermione tripped and fell while trying to get away

Bella Swan took her down with a kick to the head

Then she saw Malfoy about to attack her from behind

But not to worry, Jace Wayland smacked him with a tailpipe

And Mr. Weasley tried to shoot them with a gun

And Holly Short cut him down to size.

Then Butler got into a fight with Hagrid

While Foaly and Firenze fought using lightsabers

And Snape and Wormtail tried to run from it all

Then they both got killed by Captain Jack Sparrow, ohhh...

This is the literary showdown...of literary destiny

heroes and villains and battles...as far as I can read

There can be only one winner, we don't know who it will be

This is the literary showdown...

The Secret Library Guardians lined up...and held their lanterns to the sky

And guess who showed up...Eragon, of course!

He delivered a kick that could break 1,000 windshields

into the butt of Lucius Malfoy

And as he laid there on the ground howling in pain

Albus Dumbledore put on his colorful robes

But Eragon saw right through that disguise

And he yelled out "BRISINGR!" as he beheaded that old man

Then Clary Fray and Meggie Folchart and

"that one kid from that weird TV show" and

Bartok Rasputin and Jacquel Spartan and

Prince Zuko and Elena Gilbert and

Percy Jackson, all the Teen Rebels, Bart Simpson, and Robert Langdon and

Jaeyamie Nealson, and every character from Lord of the Rings and

Speed Racer and Peter Pan,

Lestat, Stewie Griffin, Kaylen Klieg, and Mr. T

They all showed up out of everywhere

And they totally took down Lord Voldemort

It was the most violent fight in literary history

And everyone around the world just watched in shock and awe

The fight went on for 10 long years

Causing unnecessary deaths, pain, and tears

Harry Potter was FINALLY beaten, never to rise again

And Hogwarts was burned to the ground

And who was that champion that took Harry down?

Who was the winner of that fight?

He showed up and everyone cheered:

It was none other than Charlie Bone, wearing a bloodstained red cape!

This is the literary showdown...of literary destiny

heroes and villains and battles...as far as I can read

There can be only one winner, we don't know who it will be

This is the literary showdown...which'll go into the history books

This is the literary showdown...

of literary destiny

Neville: Whoa! Now that's epic!

Jacquel: Let's kick some butt!

-------

Scene 14: The Final Move

(Rocky Theme Plays as the fight gets really violent)

Neville: You're gonna pay for what you did to my family, you bitch!

Bellatrix: Oh, make me!!

Neville: AVADA KEVADRA!!! (Bellatrix falls down dead) Who's the weak one now? (Nagini hisses at him) Don't even think I forgot about you! (takes out a sword and chops her head off) Hah!

Ron: Whoa, Neville! You've gone all badass!

Neville: Yeah, just like that one guy said in that one story!

Hermione: And wasn't Jacquel supposed to marry what's-his-name?

Jacquel: Yeah. But before I do that, let's kick some Death Eater's butts from here to Germany, back around Vietnam, and up through Ethopia!

All: Agreed. (Requiem for a Dream song plays)

-------

Scene 15: How It All Ended

Sean: It's just you and me now, Voldie! No one else will intervene!

Voldemort: Fine! But to make sure of that, I'm going to kill you!

Harry: Not if I get you first! (slams into Voldemort and all three fall to their deaths in the lake)

-------

Scene 16: Whatever Happens in "New Moon" STAYS in "New Moon"

Hermione: Well, looks like that's it. The battle is over.

Ron: But where's Harry?

Fred: Found him! (they all rush to Harry's side---but Harry is dead)

George: Oh my God...Harry's dead!!!

Jacquel: I can't believe it! He can't be dead!

Neville: I thought he was going to survive this battle. That's what they all do in those cliched fantasy stories.

Carlisle: Sadly, I must tell you that there is no greater love than he who gives up his life to save his friends.

Jacquel: This is so unfair! I never got to tell him goodbye. Why does this always happen to me???

Edward: It's better this way. He did what he came here to do. There's nothing else for him to live for. (Ginny sees everything)

Ginny: No! Harry can't be dead! I have no one else to love! I will go kill myself! (rushes to cliff)

Bella: Ginny, NO! Don't make the same mistake I made! Don't jump off that cliff!

Ginny: But Bella, you had it so much easier than I do! Edward Cullen is a vampire; he can live forever. But Harry Potter was just a mere mortal and as such, the only man I ever loved.

Bella: But Ginny, there's other guys out there...

Ginny: Oh, sure! Just keep telling yourself that! I mean, you could have had Jacob Black just as easily if you wanted to! But I have no other guy to fall in love with; my whole life, it seemed that I was programmed to do only one thing, and that was to marry Harry Potter.

Jacob: That is the dumbest pile of shit I have ever heard of!

Ginny: It's true! I was to marry Harry Potter and no other person! Now if you'll excuse me, I must die now...(jumps off cliff)

Bella: GINNY!!! (she tries to go after Ginny, but Jacob holds her back)

Leah: Let her go, Bella. Besides, any female who's programmed to simply marry the hero is not a good female character. As for you, you were programmed to fight for your right to be with Edward forever.

Bella: Now what are we going to tell them? Ginny just killed herself because Harry's dead?

George: We saw the whole thing.

Fred: This is so sad. Poor Ginny.

Ron: Mom's gonna be crushed when she finds out about Ginny.

Jacquel: Well, this sucks! Voldemort is dead and yet there's very few of us still alive to enjoy the victory. Dumbledore is a douche to have effed it all up for us!

Hermione: Now what do we do?

-------

Scene 17: Where Do We Go From Here?

Ron: Looks like there's no longer a Hogwarts for us to attend.

Hermione: That's sad.

Jacquel: Now what do we do?

Neville: You go and get married and we go our separate ways. How's about we all meet back up here next year when a new school is built.

Ron, Hermione, & Jacquel: Agreed.

-------

Epilogue: 5,000 Days Later...

Well, here's what happened to them after May 2, 1998

~~~July 31, 2011~~~

Ron: Can't believe it's been 13 years since we last saw Jacquel and Neville.

Hermione: I know! Let's go see how they're doing. (Neville sees them)

Neville: Hey, guys, how's everything?

Hermione: Neville! How are you?

Neville: Everything has been going great. So how have you guys been?

Hermione: Great.

Ron: Yeah, it's been kind of hard since Ginny's death and I having to stay with Fred and George until Hermione was able to find her parents and bring them back and we got married. How about you?

Neville: I took over Professor Sprout's job when she retired. Have any of you heard from Jacquel?

Hermione: Well, she has written to us several times since her wedding, but for some reason I haven't gotten a letter from her in seven years.

Ron: I know. Bet her husband is trying to restrict how much she writes to us.

Jacquel: (shows up) I wouldn't be saying that. (they all notice that she is still the same since she turned 17 many years before)

Ron: Jacquel? You've...changed.

Jacquel: Yeah. It's been hard having to spend 13 years living in Italy and only seeing the Cullens four times a year. And then when Cai saw fit to give me children, there went my free time. Nice, right?

Neville: Indeed. Now what do we do?

They all walk to Godric's Hallow and stand at Harry's grave, not saying much to each other, but staring at the grave of their best friend. The inscription reads:

"Harry James Potter

July 31, 1980-May 2, 1998

Here lies a brave and loyal wizard who gave his life for the Greater Good

May he forever rest in peace.

Entombed was he on May 12, 1998 by Miss Jacquelyn Claire Alexandra Ulrich, Mister Ronald Bilius Weasley, Mister Neville Francis Longbottom, and Miss Hermione Jean Granger, his loyal and grieving friends."

Snape: (standing behind them) How ironic that a family that had never been together in life is now united in death.

Jacquel: Sir? (the others stare at him)

Snape: I wonder why the Potters are wired to have short lifespans, they only live long enough to reproduce and then they die.

Jacquel: Where have you been all these years?

Neville: He's been living in Diagon Alley with Amber and the little ones. I see him when Stacey and Gabriel visit him every Saturday with their families.

Ron: Well, this is hard for us to actually deal with here. Harry is dead and we're still here.

Hermione: I bet J. K. Rowling is having a hard time dealing with her hero's death. Now she can't do that crappy epilogue that everyone hates.

Jacquel: Well, the story is over and guess what? It all sucked in the end!

THE END...or is it?

Harry Potter vs. Gandalf: Magic in J.K. Rowling, Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis

2011-06-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

So, is Harry Potter a decent book for children to read, or chock-full of sorcery that should be avoided like the plague? Click here to find out: http://www.decentfilms.com/articles/magic.html

This essay contains the debate over Tolkien and Lewis's works vs. those of Rowling's. While Tolkien and Lewis's words were lauded, Rowling's were dismissed as "evil".

While I think it's harsh, I try to see the differences between how Tolkien and Lewis portray magic and how Rowling portrays magic. Which is quite useful in me writing my own stories.

Well, if you have any advice for me regarding the use of magic in my stories, do NOT hesitate to comment.

Thank you.

The "Better than Harry Potter" blog

2011-05-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

Since I'm on Tumblr, I decided to create a blog that explores every other fantasy series that is NOT Harry Potter. You can find the link to it in the Links section, or you can click here: http://betterthanharrypotter.tumblr.com/.

This Tumblog is for those who hate Harry Potter, NOT for Harry Potter fans, as it has nothign good to say about Harry Potter at all.

"Harry Potter & Merlin's School of Magic" to become a series?

2011-05-09T08:57:00.001-07:00

I nicked this off my Harry Potter Blog, which no longer exists:

Well, I'm thinking about it, and the way my life with Harry Potter fanfiction is going, I think I'm coming up with a good idea to write a story about the Wingmakers and how they lived their lives BEFORE the idea of Harry Potter attending Merlin's came about.

The characters in this story will be of course as follows:

Harrison (Ryenne) & Caleb Tuff: Harry and Dudley's names in "Merlin's"
Gladys Tuff: the boys' adoptive mother
Wilhelmina Tuff: the boy's adoptive sister, formerly known as Willamaerha Thristal
Michael Rasputin: headmaster of Merlin's
Eleanor Diggenstyke: matron of Merlin's
Issac Kempson: descendant of Issac Blake Parson, a wizard who built the Wingmakers village and founded Merlin's
Mother Mira Jepsten: caretaker of the church in the Wingmaker's village.

Other characters who will be in this story are:

Ezra Gifford
Leslie Carew
Nathaniel Grady
Susannah, Margaret, & Christian Prewett
Jacquette (Quetta) Fausto Nielsen
Raulin Knighton
Violet Ravensen
Jefferson Hershel

characters from my other fanfics who are featured here:

Princeton, Olivia (Paige), & Emilia Pettigrew
Martin McGuire
Gwendolyn Luvannokitch
Jonathan & Adrian Trichenberg
Jenner & Maurice Du Bois
Robert (Robbie), (Marie) Lousie, David, Felix, & (Matilda) Molly Evans
Dakota & Ginger Jonas
Jacinth & Nicolas Kastianopolis
Jennifer (Jenny), Sarah, & (Wil)Liam Ravencraft
Connor (Kirkwood) Matheson
Philip Dennison
Nina Barlow
Duncan Snyder
Candice Thorpe

And now for a word about:

the Wingmakers: The Wingmakers were the original settlers of the land where the village and the school are, and their talents include telekinesis, elemental control, pyrotechnics, and Wiccan arts.
Merlin's: the school where advanced magical arts and Wingmaker skills are taught Located near Cornwall, Wales. It's really a huge castle, which is described as a modest castle, built of red bricks and set in a valley. It contains a lavish garden, several courtyards, a bronze statue of Issac Blake Parson dressed as an Arthurian knight, a bell tower, and a huge gateway, where the gates are made from steel. It's interconnected to many smaller buildings and scores of small cabins scattered around a huge field.
The village: called Glasnost, which the villagers affectionately called "Camelot" after the King Arthur legends. located next to the school.
Michael Rasputin: Don't let the name Rasputin fool you; Michael is nowhere near related to the infamous Gregory Rasputin (1872-1916) the Russian mystic who practically destroyed czarist Russia.
Gladys's age upon coming to Merlin's: She was 23 in 1981.
Gladys's children: Everett Jesse, Agnes, & Stanley Tuff, and Aurelien, Justin, Yvaine, & Jérémie Larson. Rasputin is reported to be their father.
Squibs: Squibs were historically mistreated by wizards and other magical beings in most countries around the world. Most of them were sent to Merlin's for safety reasons.

Well, that seems to be about it. I'll let you all know when I'm starting the story back up again!

Yeah. This sounds like a great idea for a story. I know I will be writing it...eventually! But under a different title.

And after I finish up the original story.

Yeah, it's taking me a while to finish it up, but not to worry, I haven't abandoned it completely. I just need to get the rest of the fanfic knocked into place.

And when that's done, I can begin with the series, which could be big.

The Secret Library Guardians Series

2011-04-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

Image by claireviolet82 via Flickr

Quickly becoming my most-anticipated story, "The Secret Library Guardians" has the things to make it awesome, such as a young boy and girl being plucked out of their own world and brought to a different world, which is being powered by steampunk technology, and it is in turmoil.

Well, that sounds just about right.

Summary:

14-year-old Elva Sheppherd and 17-year-old Troy Branden are snatched from their homes and taken to Ostlea, an alternative version of planet Earth which is powered by steampunk technology. They are taken to Greywyn Academy of Magic, a mysterious school filled with wizards, witches, fairies, elves, dwarves, vampires, and werewolves. There are also some human children there, mainly those who were taken from their homes as well.

Elva and Troy are renamed Rhiassa Twilight and Nevyn Meler. They are immediately trained by Salvatore Benat. Elva discovers a mysterious library hidden in the school. She and Troy encounter a young boy named Dlav Geinse, who had come to Greywyn Academy with Rose Ennerdy/Chasica Kip and Colby Assiter/Brummet Camwef 70 years before.

All five children swear to protect the library with their lives, as almost no one knows about the library and its secrets.

There is another story concerning an orphaned named Hunter Shadowknight, whose family had been slain by agents working for an evil elf named Scaillus Shadowwolf, who is rumored to be controlling the Silverheart family, which is ruling Ostlea due to the massacre of the human royal family 100 years before Elva's arrival. The Silverheart family is very cruel to the people of Ostlea, and most of them want to get rid of King Hoxarret and bring back his banished son, Evidizan Silverheart, who was banished when he protested against the treatment of the human residents of Ostlea.

Evidizan hides his two children, Geogorpo Heinesse and his sister Gregrien, in Greywyn Academy while he fights against the evils of his family's empire. He is revealed to be Elva's father due to a fact that he briefly stayed in Elva's hometown of Namatius, Senzacion 14 years before. Elva and Troy meet the other human children Zara Qaren, Zuza Qaren, Rista Blueflame, Gorder Granfeter, Tiona Tidwell, Kyler Dawn, Tewand Oliq, and Bepherz Oliq, and together, they go to protect the library from Shadowwolf and his agents.

Well, when I first made up the story, it was supposed to be The Dark, Moody World Series, but then I suddenly found myself scrapping that plan in favor of a newer idea, which came to me just as I had said series plotted out, which is the two kids are taken to a new school, where they are the rumored guardians of a secret library and they must guard that library from villains who wish to gain its secrets.

The name of the first book is called The Seventh Secret; it's the beginning of a planned series about the library and the children who guard it. Will this story be as good as Harry Potter is not? We'll see...

And now for a picture:

from left to right: Troy Branden/Nevyn Meler, Elva Sheppard/Rhiassa Twilight, Dlav Geinse, Rose Ennerdy/Chasica Kip, Colby Assiter/Brummet Camwef

other characters include: Hunter Shadowknight, Geogorpo Heinesse and his sister Gregrien Heinesse.

The Fairy Mage

2011-04-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

In 2005, I wrote a story called "The Myth of Jacquel", which concerned a young girl named Tabez Berea, who disappeared into a magical world called Sarnwey, where she grew up and later became its queen. That story was the setting for the tale of Kaylen Klieg, who was a young boy destined to become a great and very powerful mage and save the Sarnwey from its permanent destruction.

For starters, Kaylen was known as Micah Dratzins, who was constantly picked on by various students in his high school for being "weird". He didn't have a good relationship with his foster parents Franco and Kelly Dratzins, nor did he get along with his foster brothers Marco and Vlad.

But all of that changes one day when he was kidnapped by his true father and learns of his true identity and destiny. He is also lured into a strange land called Childhome, where many lost children believed that he would be their hero.

Here's where the story begins:

After Kaylen goes off to Childhome with Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, everything changes when he discovers that his destiny is to not only save the magical land of Sarnwey, but he must save the life of a handicapped child who had the power to see fairies and could restore magic to Sarnwey.

7-year-old Coleman Sheffield is an autistic little boy who lives with his parents, Adele and Clancy, in the city of Toronto, Ontario. His visions of fairies and elves raise eyebrows and several people plan to remove the little boy from his family and place him in a mental institution.

But before they could get to him, Kaylen and Imani show up and take him away. Then they, Aaron Lakeshire, and Alexis Luvannokitch go off to the magical village of Lerfrey, Edenia, where Kaylen's mother, the former Princess Penelore of Outworld, was imprisoned for her many crimes against Edenia and she sits in a dark tower of the Anglavona Castle. She sends the fairies Gandim and Lope with him and begs him to find out the truth about the war that destroyed Outworld in order to clear her name.

And with that, Kaylen and his group of companions set off on a grand adventure that will traverse the entire magical universe.

They meet many strange characters during their travels and manage to locate Kaylen's foter brother, Vlad Dratzins, who had disappeared after year before Kaylen went to Childhome. With the entire population of Edenia calling for the execution of the former fairy queen and all kinds of odds stacked against him, can Kaylen succeed in bringing magic back to Sarnwey and clearing his mother's name?

I had planned a six-part series dealing with Kaylen Klieg and his advenures in the magical worlds, which were as follows:

Kaylen: After The Myth of Jacquel, Kaylen Klieg goes off on a magical journey. Escorted by his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch, Kaylen prepares to assume his place in the magical world. But before he can become a sorcerer, he is whisked off to Lerfrey, Edenia, where weird children are trained to use their powers to help save the world. Kaylen befriends an orphan named Raul Joneson just as his hometown of Idek is destroyed to make more room for a booming city and together, with Imani and Alexis, they go off to explore the dying country of Edenia. Edenia was once a magical place until human nature gained the upper hand and chased all the fairies out. The fairies punished the humans by stealing their children. The last human child stolen from Edenia was Tabez Berea, who later became Queen of Outworld and Kaylen's mother. Kaylen and his friends must cross various desert terrains, battle dangerous enemies, and restore Edenia to its true form. Kaylen, however, is plagued by doubts about his true destiny. He also wonders about who he really is. Can Kaylen save Edenia (and perhaps the world) from destroying itself?
Divine: After Kaylen, Kaylen Klieg goes off on another magical journey. Escorted by his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch, Kaylen prepares to assume his place in the magical world. But before he can become a sorcerer, he is whisked off to Wiloper, Edenia, where strange children are ruining the town by using their superpowers. Kaylen determines that the children are the products of rogue angels deliberating copulating with humans. Shamus Blarney, a descendant of a leprechaun, secretly assists him and helps get the magical children to Childhome before the normal humans try to get rid of them.
Charisma: After Divine, Kaylen Klieg and his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch return to Childhome and rest. Soon after, Alexis's mother, Jacquel Luvannokitch, comes to Childhome after many years of hard living on Earth. Kaylen is so smitten with his friend's mother that he can't think straight. Danger is lurking in the city of Liada, where a group of mentally retarded children are about to be executed as witches for causing a famine, which resulted in the deaths of thousands of poor and homeless people. One of the children about to be executed is a young girl named Charisma. Kaylen is also smitten with the little girl, which Alexis, Aaron, Vlad, and Imani fear may cloud his judgment. But Kaylen realizes that the other children are worth saving, too. Can he save the children from the village? And will he ever find true love?
Fairy Tale: After Charisma, Kaylen Klieg goes off on yet another magical journey. Escorted by his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch, Kaylen prepares to assume his place in the magical world. But before he can become a sorcerer, he is whisked off to Gradna, Edenia, where children who are retarded are being abused by an evil and powerful cult. Kaylen decides to rescue them and bring them to Childhome. After the near-disaster in the last story, Imani convinces Kaylen that not everyone can be saved. But that doesn't stop him from enlisting the services of a boy named Vivien, who wants to stay in the cult. Before the story ends, the six are forced into a twisted world, where an innocent child's fairy tale becomes a teenager's worst nightmare…
Titan: After FairyTale, Kaylen Klieg goes off on still another magical journey. Escorted by his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch, Kaylen prepares to assume his place in the magical world. But before he can become a sorcerer, he is whisked off to Ngrea, Edenia, where a series of mass suicides are occurring. It turns out that the retarded children there are holding their families and the entire community hostage, demanding eternal servitude or they would commit suicide. Kaylen doesn't believe any of this until Imani meets a normal boy named Uriel, who had been beaten up by his younger retarded half-sister. Kaylen realizes that instead of saving the retarded children, this time he would have to fight them. And this is not a battle that he would win so easily…and the prize is him, Imani, Aaron, Vlad, and Alexis to use as a sacrifice to the Devil himself.
Penelore: After Titan, Kaylen Klieg goes off on his final magical journey. Escorted by his companions Imani Yamoussoukro D'eatamivcio, Aaron Lakeshire, Vlad Dratzins, and Alexis Luvannokitch, Kaylen prepares to assume his place in the magical world. But before he can become a sorcerer, he is whisked off to Sarnwey, Edenia, where his mother, Princess Penelore, is waiting for him. Kaylen and his companions are to bring the former magical realm back to its magical roots. The ancient land is dying because fairies had never had any children and they had been forbidden to take any Earthome children by the wicked king Varlet. Kaylen must overthrow Varlet and assume his place on the Sarnwian throne. He must also make Sarnwey a place for any Earthome child to go and fairies must be freed to use their magic to heal the world.

Well, I unfortunately had to scrap that idea after a long period of time and I knew that none of the stories were going to get off the ground. But I WILL be making this story into a series, but the sypnosis of the stories have yet to be decided.

And before I forget, here's a picture of the cast:

from left to right: Aaron Lakeshire, Imani Yamoussoukro-D'eatamivcio, Kaylen Klieg, Alexis Luvannokitch, and Vlad Dratzins

The Piano's Painting

2011-04-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

This story takes place during World War II in England, when the London air raids began in 1940 and scores of children were being sent away to live in rural parts of Great Britain to escape from the bombings.

The year is 1942, and 11-year-old Robert Schwartz, his sisters 9-year-old Rachel and 14-year-old Laurel, along with their next-door neighbor Jeffrey Walsh (also 11) are sent away to stay with relatives in the town of Dunbar, which was located by the North Sea. Colonel John Schwartz is off fighting and Marie Schwartz went to look after the children's sick grandmother, who lived in Birmingham.

Uncle Hubert and Aunt Louise and cousin Theodore are strict, but fair. They tell the children to stay away from the crumbling church down the lane and avoid the couple who live there. But that doesn't stop Robert from being sent by the local grocer to take food to the church. There, in a darkened room, he sees a young boy playing a strange piano.

10-year-old Raven Knight was a piano-playing prodigy; ever since he was 4 years old, he would play the piano for 2 hours every day. He was just beginning to be showcased by his parents at the church when a cruel couple named Frank and Lillian Wildon show up at his family's home in the pretense of seeking shelter from a storm, only to kill Claudius and Rebecca Knight and kidnap Raven. Frank and Lillian took him to the church and forced him to play the piano there.

The piano was a magical piano that could paint pictures, all which depended on the mood of the pianist and the type of music being played. For several years, Lillian had tried to play that piano, but she failed, as the piano had required that the only person who could play could be a talented pianist. Which happened to be poor Raven Knight.

Robert ends up leaving the church and returning home, swearing to never tell anyone what he had seen. But curiosity got the better of him and he finds himself returning to the abandoned church in order to see the strange boy who played the piano. Raven sees him and reveals that the piano produces a painting every time it is played. He also explains that the reason for his kidnapping was that the evil couple needed him to play the magical piano, which would produce paintings, which they would sell at the market for insane amounts of money.

Very soon, Rachel and Laurel find out about Raven and they too go to see him play. Robert questions Hubert about the Wildons and Hubert tells him that Lillian was once a talented pianist until her marriage to Frank and she had been banned from ever playing the piano for marrying a man who was not of her father's choosing. He puts a curse on the couple that they would never have children, nor would they ever touch any musical instrument. Which had led to them kidnapping Raven and killing his parents.

Hubert then warns Robert to stay away from Raven due to the couple's cruelty towards children. But that warning seemed to fall on deaf ears as the children began to befriend the strange boy who played the magical piano. Very soon, word got out about Raven's remarkable talent, which pleased the Wildons so much that they demanded that Raven play the piano 5 times an hour every day. Raven, who once didn't mind the fact that he had to play the piano (which was the only thing he had in the world), was now beginning to rebel against his cruel guardians and he also began demanding that they tell him the truth about his family.

For his part, Robert (along with Rachel, Laurel, and Jeffrey) schemes to get Raven away from his cruel foster family and expose the truth about them to the town. But the town itself is harboring a few secrets of its own, secrets that refused to be revealed. Robert is sure that everyone in the town is hiding something. Robert begins to suspect that there is evil in the town, from the way commerce is handled to the behavior of the people. He is sure that an evil sorcerer is controlling the town. No one but Raven seems to believe him, and news of the war seemed to take over the town gossip.

A stream of Jewish refugees arrive in town, as well as a large group of Black people who abandoned their homes in America. The mayor offered a huge amount of money to them if they were willing to abandon the country that had enslaved their ancestors and denied them even the basic rights.

In the fall, Robert, Rachel, Laurel, and Jeffrey begin school at the local schoolhouse, but Raven is forbidden to attend because Lillian needs him to play the magical piano. As reports of bombings in London and other cities get louder and louder, Robert can't help but worry about his mother and grandmother and he also wonders if his father would survive the war at all.

2 years after they are sent away, Robert and the girls, along with Raven and Jeffrey discover that their father is in France. The day was June 6, 1944, the day Allied forces stormed into France and began the assault that would later end the German occupation in France. Robert's cousin Theodore had been sent off to fight, along with scores of other young men in the town the year before; they are among those who were in France. Raven is still playing the magical piano, but now he's forced to play for 10 hours every day. Luckily for him, Robert secretly teaches him how to read and write every night, and Raven teaches him how to play the piano.

At Christmas during that same year, Raven had composed a song called the Weeping Symphony, which details his sad life and the pain and abuse that he had suffered while living with the Wildons. Many people loved the song and some are questioning who the Wildons are and why they had been keeping Raven prisoner in the old church. On New Years Day 1945, the Wildons are arrested for kidnapping Raven and murdering his parents, but they claim that as long as the magical piano is in the church, Raven cannot leave the church. Raven is now more than determined to set himself free from the Wildons and have them punished for their crimes.

On April 15, 1945, just a few days after the death of U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the town square catches on fire and several people, including Hubert, are killed. Robert and Raven think that Frank Wildon burned down the town because of his secrets being exposed. They decide that the only way to defeat Frank and rescue Raven is to destory the piano. So with a bit of sadness, the boys set fire to the church, which destroys the piano and turns the paintings into piles of rags.

Frank and Lillian are enraged at the sight of the burned piano, but it is too late for them to deal with Raven. Frank suddenly dissolves into dust and Lillian is found dead in the remains of the church. Robert and Raven tell the truth about what happened inside the church, but no one believes that they burned down the church, preferring the story that Lillian burned down the church in a fit of drunken rage. The townspeople find huge amounts of money inside a room that survived the fire as well as proof that the Wildons had kidnapped Raven. Most of the money goes toward repairing the town square and building a new church.

On May 7, 1945, Germany surrendered, bringing the war in Europe to an end. Very soon, Robert's mother arrives to collect them and bring them home. Raven goes with the Schwartz family and they all arrive in London in time to welcome the colonel (now promoted to general). With the rebuilding of homes and businesses and lives in process, Robert and Raven begin the difficult process of locating any member of the Knight family who was still alive.

But the story doesn't end with the end of the war, as Raven had to track down his relatives, some of whom had been killed during the war. Robert (who is now 14), has to deal with the family rebuilding their home after it is destroyed, his grandmother's death, and him having to grow up quickly in a matter of years.

In the future, Robert tells the story of the magical piano to his grandchildren, and you'll discover that Raven Knight went on to become a celebrated pianist who composed countless tunes for TV shows and movies and the occassional special event, and his children and grandchildren carry on his legacy.

Here's a picture of the cast for you:

From left to right: Raven Knight, Robert Schwartz, Laurel Schwartz, Rachel Schwartz, and Jeffrey Walsh

How Harry Potter Should Have Ended...

2011-04-22T09:28:00.001-07:00

Read it and weep, Rowling! Here's how the story would have gone had someone else wrote it...

Harry PotterAh, I finally found my wand. Turns out, Dobby wanted to try out some magic. The sneaky little house elf...24 hours ago via Facebook for iPhoneComment Like

4 people like this
DobbyIt wasn't my fault sir, I was under orders from the Malfoys.23 hours ago Like
Harry PotterBut Dobby, you haven't worked for them for years! Why now?22 hours ago Like
DobbyI had a change of heart, sir. And this time there shall be no warning.21 hours ago Like
Harry PotterWhat do you mean, a change of heart? What are you hiding Dobby?20 hours ago Like
Lord VoldemortHello Harry! It's so good that I will be the last person you shall ever see!19 hours ago Like
Harry PotterVOLDEMORT?! How did you find me?!18 hours ago Like
Lucius MalfoyDon't you see Harry? Dobby is working for me again, and I work for the Dark Lord. And because I knew that Dobby had been with you...17 hours ago Like
Harry PotterSo you're saying I've been tricked?!16 hours ago Like
Lord VoldemortAnd you're surprised? Harry, I never knew you were so thick! *points want at Harry* Avada Kedavra!15 hours ago Like
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The Verdant Stars

2011-04-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

This story takes place before all known technology even existed.

According to my 2010 NaNoWriMo story "Harry Potter Sucks!", a Christian author named D. J. Knight had written a 200-page story called "The Verdant Stars", in which 3 magical beings find themselves stranded on Earth due to a war that devastated their world. They meet a young orphaned boy named David Summersley (who was being abused by his foster family) and they all go on a magical adventure which ranged from helping him escape from his cruel family, chasing a gnome halfway across the universe, and finding out the truth behind the deaths of Davey's parents.

That story received critical reviews and applause from many people (mainly Christians) for its many Christian elements in it, from a fallen race, to a child away to safety as his people are slain, and it even included the story of a Christ-like figure who gives up his life to spare that of a traitor.

While the mayor of Daniel Dickens's town wasn't too impressed with the story, but scores of other people were. But that's another story, as we are focusing on this one.

Premise:

In the year 1839, when Queen Victoria was a very young woman who had taken the throne of England just 2 years earlier and technology was just beginning to be noticed, a young boy named David Summersley dreamed of living a better life than the sad excuse of an existence that he was living right now. He was made to be little more than a slave to the cruel, hideous and antisocial Groningen family, who mistreat him while demanding his eternal gratitude that he was not placed in the local orphanage. The Groningen family lived next door to an inventor named Vincent Delgutte and his hunchbacked assistant, Leonard.

Vincent was called "crazy" by the locals, as they see him as a person who is not normal for he does not work, he has no wife or children, and he doesn't live in a decent house. Vincent, however, ignores their cruel comments and builds a spaceship with the intention of going to outer space one day. He and Leonard are the only people who show kindness to Davey since very few people in his village are allowed to do so.

On March 15, 1839, the villagers had had enough of Vincent's weirdness and they go to his lab and commit him to an asylum. Leonard would be flogged and executed for merely existing, and Davey would be shipped off to Australia. But things go wrong and Vincent is killed in the melee. Davey and Leonard escape their own deaths by climbing into the spaceship and blasting off, much to the crowd's astonishment. The police arrive and over 65 people are arrested for inciting a riot.

Leonard wakes up to find himself actually floating in outer space; the spaceship HAD worked after all! He goes to tell Davey of their good fortune, but Davey bemoans the death of their older friend and wishes that he could be with them on this historic journey. (Of course, this was the very first trip to outer space ever made by two people, but due to the events leading to said trip, it was not listed in the history books and over 100 years later, Russia (NOT ENGLAND) was the first country to send a man into space)

For nearly 3 days, the metal spaceship hurtles through space at the speed of sound, sending Leonard and Davey further and further from their home (for very few men, if any, dared to step out of their homeland) and towards a mysterious star system. Davey uses this time to comtemplate his entire life; he is only 12 years old. He discovers that his family was rich but due to the Groningen family's influence, both Benjamin and Diana Summersley lost their inheritance and eventually, their lives. Davey is the only heir to the Summersley fortune, which is seized by the Queen herself and she has various members of the Groningen family arrested for theft, murder, and kidnapping in addition to child abuse.

Meanwhile, on the planet Gallandor, which is an alternative version of planet Earth, Ivorienne, her older brother Huben, and Prince Hunter are hunting for fruit at the edge of their crumbling village, Nyral Village. Ivorienne and Huben's father, Honor, and many other people had been captured by the wicked witch Emselda the Savage, and the children's mother was slain when she was trying to protect them from the Witch's wrath. The chief of their village was forced to swear loyalty to the Witch, and he is to send most of his village's crops to her as tributes.

Ivorienne notices that a strange object had crash-landed near her village. A few minutes before, Davey noticed that the spaceship was aproaching a planet that looked almost exactly like the Earth. He and Leonard find themselves hurtling towards that planet after an asteriod strikes them and it lands with a thud near a village.

Prince Hunter and Huben are too scared to approach the strange ship, but Ivorienne approaches the ship. Lying next to it was a young boy around Ivorienne's age, which was 13. None of them knew that the boy was David Summersley, who had blasted off from his English village in a makeshift spaceship 3 days earlier.

Davey wakes up and sees Ivorienne. He finds out that his spaceship had crashed-landed on her planet; or better yet, near her village. Leonard also wakes up and finds Davey speaking with three strange young children. They explain to him that many years before, the Witch had invaded their homeland, poisined their king and queen and most of the royal family, leaving behind a young boy named Prince Star Seraph. He lives among them since his mother send him floating down a river in a basket during the massacre years earlier.

Davey and Leonard are taken to the village, where they meet Chief Saber and learn that the villages all over the planet had been destroyed by the Witch and many people are either dead or enslaved. Just then, a wise mage named Mist Faunareaper, the Chatelaine of Constellations, claims that Davey is the promised hero who was to deliver their planet from the tyranny of the Witch. She also claims that Prince Richard LionHeart would arrive. This gives hope to the villagers, yet Davey doubts that he could be the hero; after all, no one save for Leonard thinks that he is worth anything.

But when the Witch finds out that Davey is here, she is filled with fear, since an old monk told her before his death that there would be a young boy would bring about her death. She arrives at the village and demands that Davey and Leonard be brought before her. But the Mage had foreseen the execution of Davey and Leonard, so she sends them away along with Huben, Ivorienne, and Prince Hunter. The Witch spots them and gives chase, but she is forced back when the kids are spotted crossing the Euphunand River, which is the most dangerous river in all of Gallandor.

Meanwhile, in another part of Gallandor, namely the village of Chaelal Mire, Heartlen and AnnaJade were busy tending their families flocks of Giant Dauchsunds when they spotted 5 people being swept away by the river. Thinking quickly, they called the chief of their village, and he and his men reached over and fished the refugees out. The refugees were Davey, Leonard, and Huben, Ivorienne, and Prince Hunter of the Nyral Village. Ivorienne tells everyone that the strange boy is David Summersley, who was destined to defeat the Witch and help restore peace to their planet.

Many of the people could not believe that hope was right in front of them, but before anyone could speak, the Witch is spotted, which means that Davey and Leonard would have to escape once again. Heartlen and AnnaJade volunteer to help him get to the village of Pando Foothills, which is located several miles from Chaelal Mire. The Witch chases after the group until they reach the Espand Forest, which is the most dangerous forest in Gallandor. The Witch fears the woods; she had lost an entire regiment of troops in those same woods many years ago.

In the village of Pando Foothills, Grenley, Fabrose, and Lulabeth were sitting in their favorite tree when they see seven people running through the woods. They are revealed as Davey Summersley and Leonard from Earth, Huben, Ivorienne, and Prince Hunter of the Nyral Village, and Heartlen and AnnaJade of Chaelal Mire. The chieftess of the village is notified that the boy who had come to free them from the Witch's tyranny has arrived at the village. She is pleased to learn of this; her people had suffered from the Witch's cruelty for many years.

She then takes the group to the Doalvobe Camp, where scores of people from Gallandor and six other planets had gathered together along with scores of other creatures. They had all come to battle the evil Witch for the freedom of their worlds. Just then, a tall young man appears before him. His name was Prince Richard LionHeart and he would lead the fight to free the worlds from the Witch's rule.

The Prince notices Davey and decides that he is to be trained immediately. At once, a group of beings known as the Verdant Stars come and guard the camp. Davey explains his entire life story as well as his travels and how and why he and Leonard left their homes and their lives behind.

For many days, Davey is content to train with the Prince and the warriors or explore the camp with his new friends. He would also wander around, thinkng about his past life and what had happened to the people of his old village. Leonard too is content to be among those who don't question his strange looks.

But all good things must end, as a young hag-shaped creature is spotted on the eastern end of the campsite. No one knows what to do with her. She claims to have secret knowledge of the Witch's plans to crush the rebellion. Davey decides to spare her when they ask him that she be executed. The Prince is pleased with Davey's wise choice, but knows that severe repercussions would result from this merciful act.

Sure enough, the Witch herself shows up and demands that her servant be returned to her. The Prince refuses to give her up and tells her of a powerful magic that would be the end of her. That night, without Davey's knowledge, He goes and gives himself up to the Witch as Ivorienne, Hartlen, AnnaJade, and Lulabeth watch in horror.

When the news of the Prince's death reaches the camp, everyone is upset and some think of quitting. But Davey refuses to give up, not since he had already given up his life on Earth to come to give people hope and he refuses to back down.

The following morning, he and a desperate army meet the Witch's forces at the Isouss Plain, where a huge battle is fought. Also, Ivorienne, Hartlen, AnnaJade, and Lulabeth (along with Tyen) witness the Prince's return to life, as he sacrificed his life in the place of a traitor. They go down to the battle, where Davey defeats the Witch and victory is won.

Then after the worlds are restored to their original glory, the lost Prince is crowned King of Gallandor. All those who had been enslaved are set free and returned to their villages. Davey and Leonard are offered a chance to return home, but they refuse. The story ends with them wondering what became of their world.

Yup, it's got a feel of the Chronicles of Narnia, but in an alternative world.

And guess what? It's NOT Harry Potter!!!

first generation: Grenly, AnnaJade, Huben, David Summersley, Ivorienne, Fabrose, Lulabeth, and Hartlen

Wonder Circus

2011-04-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

In 1987, a low budget film debuted in theaters, but it flopped in the U.S. But for some reason, many people loved the film and the characters in the film that it spawned a mini-series and tons of unnecessary merchandise (just like the movie "Space Wizards").

And the fact that the movie was referred to as "the 80's Harry Potter" had us all running back to the time when the story was first written...

Premise:

In the year 1983, Anthony Snyder was a normal 15-year-old boy growing up in the small town of El Bano, Texas. He lives with his sister Margery and her husband, Frank Harrison; his parents Eduardo and Carmen died when he was 3 years old. Margery is cruel to him, yet her husband and their children Wendell and Selena try their best to protect him from Margery's abuse.

One day, Anthony and the twins were walking to school when they chanced to hear that the Wonder Circus was coming to their town. They all decide to go to the circus, but Margery and Frank forbid them from going for different reasons. But Anthony is detemined to go to the circus and he gets his wish when his class is invited to go on a backstage tour of the circus.

While everyone else is bored with the tour, Anthony wanders off and has an encounter with a 14-year-old girl named Jacqueline Sophia Williams, who works at the circus. She introduces him to Gordon Stokes, Brian Angel Irwin, Taylor Lowell Phillips, and Christopher Gillespie, who also work at the circus. Their public story was that they were orphans who had been to the circus, but for some reason, they were left behind by their group and had gotten lost during a storm that struck the city of San Francisco. Silas Rodriquez, the Ringmaster, found them and offered to bring them home, but he was disuaded from doing so by Chuck Segura, who claims that the children were from a Communist country and were unworthy of living as American citizens. He was deciding to send them to an orphanage when Silas stepped in and offered to adopt them. Chuck then threatens to have the circus shut down if the children are adopted.

Jacqueline also says that Silas rescued her from a life of slavery when she was just 7 years old. She claims that after her parents's death, 19-year-old Charles Segura took advantage of her and abused her and the 4 other children. When their foster parents find out about the abuse, they report it to the police, who (for some reason) choose to ignore the complaints because Chuck is an African-American and they vowed not to upset the African-American community by having him arrested for child abuse. Chuck then kidnaps the children and gives them away to the circus, where no one could find them.

Anthony feels sorry for Jacqueline and her friends and vows to reunite them with their families, but his plans are complicated by Margery's interference as well as the story of the kidnapping of Jacqueline, Gordon, Brian, Taylor, and Christopher, which very few people knew about. Anthony also discovers that Eduardo and Carmen are not his actual parents and that his real name is Kenneth Harrington and he was the son of Manuel and Judith Harrington, who once worked at the Wonder Circus but live in Dayton, Ohio with their children Chandler, Robert, and Roselyn. They had left the circus after the kidapping of their son Kenneth when he was 3 years old and they haven't stopped looking for him since.

When Anthony publishes the story about the Wonder Circus in the local newspaper, many people are shocked to discover that the circus employed 5 kidnapped children and demand that the police investigate the circus. Silas tells the story about the children and their cruel kidnapper, which in turn leads the police to tracking down and arresting Chuck for his crimes, which (of course) angers his community not to mention his family. The police then discovered that Margery had kidnapped Anthony from his teenaged parents and arrest her and Frank as well.

Within a few weeks, the Wonder Circus packs up and prepares to leave for Kentucky, and Anthony stows away on the train, knowing that this is his chance to find his real family. He and the children bond while on the trip, with the circus performing in various cities in the midwest before it stops at Louisville, Kentucky. Anthony notices his parents and siblings in the crowd and realizes that after 12 years of searching, he has found his family.

The story doesn't end there; in fact, news about the kidnappings reach the city of San Francisco and a man is finally punished for his crimes, but it is too late to bring Jacqueline and her friends back to a normal home life and they take off when the circus leaves for Atlanta, Georgia, leaving Anthony behind with his newfound family and wondering if they would ever meet again.

The story of the magical circus had swept the nation, and it led to a 2-week mini-series, which was aptly titled "Wonder Circus: A New Beginning", which was realeased on JTV in 1994 and featured the story of Anthony, who is now 22 years old and living a safe and boring life in college when the Wonder Circus comes to town. Jacqueline and the others are still there, and yet they have changed since the events of the last movie. After a few mishaps, Anthony finds himself out of money and kicked out of school and he must find work. The only place that was hiring was the circus itself, and Anthony's family persuades him to take the job offer.

With that story in mind, we'd like to say that this was where Jacquel Rassenworth was first featured, long before the botched books and movies and even the crossovers destroyed her character. Jacqueline was a strong female character who would not stand for any wickedness and cruelty and she had withstood many hardships before she met Anthony, who eventually freed her from her personal demons and get on with her life.

And to be repeated one last time: THIS MOVIE IS *NOT* THE HARRY POTTER STORY OF THE 1980'S!!!

In fact, it's part of the "Better Than Potter" Series, which means that it's better than Harry Potter.

Now you know.

from left to right: Anthony Snyder, Jacqueline Sophia Williams, Gordon Stokes, Brian Angel Irwin, Taylor Lowell Phillips, and Christopher Gillespie

Space Wizards

2011-04-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Tyler Potter came from a popular 1990's cartoon? Of course this is all fake, but for the sake of this story, we will discuss the cartoon "Space Wizards".

The cartoon "Space Wizards" was based off the 1989 movie, which unfortunately, flopped in theaters. But the people loved it, so the TV station Jollywood Studios converted the movie into a cartoon series in 1991 and unleashed it in 1992.

Premise:

In the world of Aganaea (which is a steampunk alternative of planet Earth) a young boy named Tyler Potter dreams of going to the Valport Academy of Enchanted Planetology, which is located in the city of Mistvale. However, the cost of sending him to the academy is expensive and the school doesn't accept children from the lower social status. Tyler has no idea of who his parents were and all he can safely recall in his past was an explosion in the Damino Valley and himself being found by a poor couple named Bobbie and Corinne Ceveland in the small village of Hillmill.

At the time of this story, Tyler is 15 years old and he was doing chores when he discovered a young girl named Esperanza Melva Conway hiding out on his family farm. Esperanza had been on the run from the Unbots, which was a race of assassins from the underground world. The Unbots had attacked her village (Yunox), killing her parents and enslaving scores of people. Tyler has to hide her from the village and his foster parents since the villagers think the Yunox clan were cruel due to their superior ways and how they had treated the Hillmill clan years earlier.

Within a few weeks, a group of representatives from the academy come to Hillmill looking for any orphans so that they could be educated under King Raphael James Lorenzo del Mondegund's "Educate An Orphan Program". This program was intended for children aged 8-12, but for some reason, Tyler impresses Headmaster Lore Maxim and thus gains acceptance into the academy. In Esperanza's case, however, the headmaster refuses to even consider her entry to the school, seeing as she came from the Yunox clan and the clan was to be punished because they had betrayed the planet to the Cronobinders many years before.

Tyler goes to the academy and he meets Herminia Spencer, Jordon Everett, Mervin Kramer, Nanette Tate, and Brianna Snow. They all got on crazy adventures between classes, such as hunting for hidden treasure, solving the hardest of mysteries, and even trying to get along with Esperanza and trying to locate the Yunox who had escaped from the massacre of their village. But when a cover up is revealed and crimes are exposed, can Tyler and his friends save the day?

Well, that was the cartoon...until the year 1993 came and passed.

Then, for no reason, the show was pulled off the air and replaced by a group of kids who just sat around the house and did nothing very exciting.

Such was life back then.

But not other worry, for the story "Space Wizards" is about to be revamped for a new group of people to enjoy...mainly those who now hate Harry Potter.

And before I forget, here's a picture of the cast...

From left to right: Esperanza Convay, Jordon Everett, Herminia Spenser, Tyler Potter, Nanette Tate, Mervin Kramer, and Brianna Snow

Anti Harry Potter Quotes

2011-04-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Here's a collection of anti-Harry Potter quotes that I found on the Internet:

"Hey Harry Potter, Tim Hunter called, he wants his glasses back" ~attributed to all fans of Tim Hunter, the original Harry Potter.

---------

"I waited for ten years, eleven months, thirty days, 12 hours and 26 minutes. Then I finally had to admit I wasn’t getting an acceptance letter from Hogwarts." ~unhappy Harry Potter fan

----------

"I used to like you. Then you said Harry Potter was the best thing ever." ~quote by Adam Merle Wilkins in the 2010 NaNoWriMo novel "Harry Potter Sucks!!!: A Novel for those who have had it with the "Harry Potter" Hype"

---------

"The kid next door was running round the garden waving a pretend wand and shouting out spells.

“I bet you really want to be like Harry Potter, don’t you?” I asked him.

“Yeah!” he shouted excitedly.

So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs."

---------

"Dear Harry Potter, you suck. You're stupid. You killed Cedric Diggory and he got turned into a vampire. And then you hooked up with his girlfriend and dumped her for some ugly Mary-Sue. I wish you died in that last book."~sincerely, an angry Cedric Diggory Fan

More will come...

More Neville Longbottom Jokes

2011-04-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

And now for more Neville Longbottom jokes:

-Neville needs a Remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.
-Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
-They thought of making a Neville puppet for "Potter Puppet Pals"...but nobody makes fun of Neville Longbottom and wakes up the following morning.
-Bound by the full Body-Bind curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said "I have them right where I want them."
-Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.
-Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.
-Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.
-Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.
-Neville turned Dumbledore gay.
-Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizontal Alley.
-Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce.
-Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
-Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.
-Neville's patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.
-Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky.
-If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.
-Neville made Chuck Norris out of Mrs. Norris’ rib.
-Cho Chang wasn't crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry, and not Neville.
-They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied.
-They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of Clue but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."
-Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery.
-Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini.

--------------------

Yup, wasted another day on Google. But then again, plenty more Neville Longbottom jokes for you to enjoy!

*Facts About Neville*

Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom. --Me
* Neville urinates Felix Felicis. --Demetriuous Lymon
* If Grindewald and Voldemort were to get in a fight, Neville would win. --Celia Quillian
* Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Neville Longbottom bites the heads off of Hippogriffs. --Andrea Spraycar
* Neville is one-eigth centaur. This has nothing to do with bloodline; he once ate an entire centaur. --Jamez McShane
* Neville Longbottom sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled bad-ass wizarding ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Neville Expelliarmus'd the devil's ass and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play Exploding Snap every second Wednesday of the month. --Callie Lawrence
* The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom. --Brittany Niccum
* When Harry and Ginny's children were conceived, Ginny was thinking of Neville. So was Harry. --Peter Chainey
* Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom. --Me
* Neville Longbottom turned me full on gay. --Anthony Rachal
* Nicolas Flamel created the philosopher's stone. Neville Longbottom created Nicolas Flamel. --Kayleigh Bosnick
* Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce. --Matt Jacobson
* If you spell "Neville Longbottom" in Scrabble, it's an automatic win. --Kimberly Marie Golden * Harry's chest tatoo isn't a Hungarian Horntail, it's a portrait of Neville. --Matthew McLaughlin
* Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity. --Nathan Corliss
* Even though it was difficult getting four dragons for the Triwizard Tournament, the officials decided it was safer than the original plan of using Neville. --Nathan Corliss
* Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky. --Nathan Corliss
* Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom. --Nathan Corliss
* In kindergarten, Neville killed a Death Eater for Show and Tell. --Mike Case
* If Neville had a myspace, he'd have more friends than Tom. --Heidi Moore
* Originally, there was a spell called "Neville Longbottom" but when cast in a duel, both wizards would explode leaving nothing more than a smear of blood and a fraction of wand. They quickly changed this spell to the much weaker "Avada Kedavra." --Rebecca Krznarich
* Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom. --Carrie Wittmer
* If you're looking for Neville on the Marauder's map, he's labeled "BAMF." --Ben Mapa
* Thestrals can only see Neville Longbottom if they've witnessed someone dying. --Fridolin Heer
* Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment. --Melissa E
* They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied. --Michelle Varner
* They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of "Clue" but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."' --Kayla Yates
* Dumbledore seriously considered calling it The Order of Neville Longbottom before he settled on The Order of the Phoenix. --Carla Jimenez
* King Leonidas and the 300 were Neville Longbottom's bitches. --Ryan Figueroa
* Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil. --Suzi Ditman
* Neville's blood has thirteen uses. --Seth Just
* Even phoenix tears won't cure wounds inflicted by Neville Longbottom. --Erin Ouellette
* Neville needs a remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember. --Mandan Naderi
* Neville's patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him. --Andy Weissler
* Merlin got an Order of Neville, Third Class. --Jamal Hill
* Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery. --Lance Sawyer
* Someone once asked Neville if there was alien life out in the universe. Neville replied, "There used to be." --Zack McAfee
* When Severus Snape looks into Neville Longbottom's mind, he only sees a sword coming at his neck. --Billy Garcia
* Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini. --Chris Masterson
* Neville is listed in "Fantasic Beasts and Where to Find Them" with a Ministry of Magic Classification XXXXXX. This classification was created specifically for Neville. --Sharmin Abbasi
* God first created man. Thinking he could do better, God created women. Then God created Neville Longbottom. --Jeff Brunelle’s Beautiful Girlfriend
* Neville Longbottom taught the Veela how to dance. --Sarah Ferris
* When Neville Longbottom golfs, he uses a snake for the ball, and a sword for the club. --Chris French
* Hogwarts no longer teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, they just hand out Neville Longbottom masks. --Kyle Boger
* Trevor the toad never really escapes. Neville Longbottom sends Trevor hunting for other students' pets. --Laura Maurice
* Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley. --Alexander Nicholson
* Neville Longbottom sectumsempra'd his way out of his mother's womb. Ever since, muggles have called this operation a "C-section". --Blake Mundell
* Neville Longbottom wears a Lethifold as a cape. --Philip Brooks
* When Neville uses the knight bus, he calls himself Harry Potter to avoid all the attention. --Nora Stedman
* It was once suggested that "Diagon Alley" be changed to "Longbottom Alley." The idea was almost immediately cast aside, because nobody crosses Neville Longbottom and lives. --Chris Faria
* Most people can slam doors. Neville can slam Floo powder. --Katie Fontes
* Nevile's alphabet soup only ever contains four letters: B, A, M, and F --Nora Stedman
* There is no Night and Day. Only Neville saying "Lumos." --Victor Ryan
* Neville Longbottom is often transported to the Room of Requirement, because the Room Requires Neville. --Melissa O and her brother
* When Draco Malfoy found out he was worth a whole 12th of Neville Longbottom, he cried for joy. --Adam Dixon
* The wizard prison was originally named after Neville - it used to be Bad-Asskaban. --Cordi Morrison
* When Neville Apparates, he doesn't move -- the rest of the world shifts according to his design. The fact that this causes disasters like the Asian tsunami to occur is of little consequence to Neville. --Alexander Nicholson
* The sorcerer's stone can give people immortality. Neville can take it away. --Gavin Begg
* Polyjuice Potion is only rationed because Neville got sick of losing all his bodily hair. --Claire Stone
* Voldemort and the Death Eaters were actually created in the Room of Requirement. Neville walked passed it 3 times thinking he needed some opponents who were not laughably pathetic in comparison to him. Some things, not even magic can do. --Jason Taibi
* They thought of making a Neville puppet for Potter Puppet Pals...but nobody makes fun of Neville Longbottom and wakes up the following morning. --Mle Larkin
* Followers of Voldemort are known as "Death Eaters." Followers of Neville Longbottom are know as "Death Eater Eaters." --Jordan Smith
* "Voldemort killed yer parents, 'arry", said Hagrid. "And then 'e came upstairs for you. O'course, what 'e didn't know wuz that they wuz babysitting Neville at the time..." --Steve Cooper
* Bound by the full Body-Bind curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said "I have them right where I want them." --Michael Selleck
* Originally, Professor Dumbledore was going to have Neville Longbottom guard the Sorcerer's Stone. But he couldn't figure out how to defeat him to get it back, so he went with plan B. --Matt Allen
* Neville was standing on the Vatican balcony with the Pope and someone said “Who’s that up there with Neville?” --Shay Shay
* Not to be outdown, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again. --Rachel Gilbert
* Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence. --Chris Faria
* Neville Longbottom listens to Mandrake cries on his iPod for entertainment. --Simon Nicholson
* Voldemort's Boggart is Trevor. --Shafkat Hossain
* To access the Marauder's Map, and Neville has to say is "I'm Neville Longbottom...bitch..." --Giacomo Calabria
Chuck Noris is Neville Longbottom, pretending to be a muggle.
JKRowling was going to announce the location of the real Neville Longbottom, but the world wasn't ready for the death a famous wealthy author.
Neville Longbottom invented the hippogriff when an bald eagal and a horse ran into each other while trying to escape Neville Longbottom's stare.
Neville Longbottom taught mandrakes how to scream. He finds the sounds soothe him to sleep.
If the real Neville Longbottom was captured on film, your camera would take on a life of it's own, take a plane to sunny Florida and expose it's film if only die with it's last picture being of Neville Longbottom.
If Neville were good at potions, Snape would be out of the job forever, and Neville would be the first 11 year old professor.
Neville only PRETENDS to be less awesome than he really is, because if he didn't keep himself in check, Dumbledore Voldemort and Grindalwald would have to have a super-powered love child to be even remotely adaquete enough to stop shitting themselves until they had no inner-organs.
If JKRowling had published her original series, "Neville Longbottom" we would never know beauty and half-way decent sexual pleasure ever again, and the mass hysteria and suicide attempts once JKRowling died to never write another book would cause the mass extinction of our species, not to mention our solar system, because our world revolves around Neville Longbottom. We just don't know it.
Neville is single as far as we know, because if he wasn't, he'd become a male widow many many many times, and most of the wizarding world would be in Azkaban, because Neville is a most gracious Lord to give such a light punishment.
If Neville became a Dark Lord... I can't even imagine a word to discribe it.

Hayley Snape: Was He Really Necessary?

2011-04-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

When Harry Potter wished that he was no longer going to be Harry Potter, the Harry Potter universe was turned on its head and a new hero emerged. But there was a huge controversy when a character named Hayley Snape was created and as far as we know, Severus Snape didn't have any children.

Thanks a lot, Harry! Not only did you let poor Snape die in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," but you are claimed to be his son as well.

And who is Hayley's mother? Why, it's none other than the rather pathetic Lily (Evans) Potter, who was forced to leave James Potter when Harry made his stupid wish, meaning that James had to marry another woman and have another baby, which grew up to be Tyler Potter.

So anyway, Hayley Sanpe is forced to live in a huge family, which consisted of not only Severus and Lily, but also Harriet, Hannah, Hunter, Hilda, Haleth, Howard, Hillarie, and Heidi (and Marty McGuire, an orphan who is being raised by the Snape family). They all live in the same neighborhood as Tyler, yet Tyler escapes from the Murtey family and ends up at the Snape house twice, until a relative comes to claim him.

And as for Hayley, he carried on a secret affair with Tyler until Lily found out and put an end to it. Hayley also doesn't get along with his siblings and sometimes even shuts out Marty. Lily is forever trying to get her son to measure up to her former boyfriend's glory, which backfires badly and nearly ruins Hayley's reputation. He finally stands up to his family and joins Tyler when he embarks on a suicidal mission to stop the Magician from destroying their world.

So compared to Harry Potter, Hayley Snape is a bit less impulsive and more cautious, as his circumstances have changed and he must assist a reluctant hero in defeating a cruel villain whose evil knows no bounds. But will we have seen the last of Harry Potter for good?

I wouldn't bet on it.

For you who don't read the books...

2011-03-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a shame you don't read the books, but watch the movies. Movies and books go hand in hand and you can't have one without the other.

But in this case, I say it's easier if you read the books and NOT watch the movies, even though both book and movie versions of Harry Potter suck badly and they need to be redone...in the next 80 years or so.

And here's a nice blog post for you to enjoy: http://www.pinkraygun.com/2010/11/23/harry-potter-and-the-meh-ly-hallows-okay-if-you-dont-read/

Is it Wrong to NOT like Harry Potter?

2011-03-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

I wonder, is it OK for people to just simply read a book WITHOUT becoming a huge fan of said book. Someone wrote a blog post about reading the first two Harry Potter books, and finding them very inconsistent.

Not only that, but the Harry Potter movies were just as bad, according to them.

Raise your hands if you like your stories consistent.

Link to blog post: http://anonyblog.com/archives/004951.html

STILL More Neville Longbottom Jokes

2011-03-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

Yup, wasted another day on Google. But then again, plenty more Neville Longbottom jokes for you to enjoy!

*Facts About Neville*

Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom. --Me
* Neville urinates Felix Felicis. --Demetriuous Lymon
* If Grindewald and Voldemort were to get in a fight, Neville would win. --Celia Quillian
* Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Neville Longbottom bites the heads off of Hippogriffs. --Andrea Spraycar
* Neville is one-eigth centaur. This has nothing to do with bloodline; he once ate an entire centaur. --Jamez McShane
* Neville Longbottom sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled bad-ass wizarding ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Neville Expelliarmus'd the devil's ass and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play Exploding Snap every second Wednesday of the month. --Callie Lawrence
* The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom. --Brittany Niccum
* When Harry and Ginny's children were conceived, Ginny was thinking of Neville. So was Harry. --Peter Chainey
* Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom. --Me
* Neville Longbottom turned me full on gay. --Anthony Rachal
* Nicolas Flamel created the philosopher's stone. Neville Longbottom created Nicolas Flamel. --Kayleigh Bosnick
* Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce. --Matt Jacobson
* If you spell "Neville Longbottom" in Scrabble, it's an automatic win. --Kimberly Marie Golden * Harry's chest tatoo isn't a Hungarian Horntail, it's a portrait of Neville. --Matthew McLaughlin
* Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity. --Nathan Corliss
* Even though it was difficult getting four dragons for the Triwizard Tournament, the officials decided it was safer than the original plan of using Neville. --Nathan Corliss
* Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky. --Nathan Corliss
* Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom. --Nathan Corliss
* In kindergarten, Neville killed a Death Eater for Show and Tell. --Mike Case
* If Neville had a myspace, he'd have more friends than Tom. --Heidi Moore
* Originally, there was a spell called "Neville Longbottom" but when cast in a duel, both wizards would explode leaving nothing more than a smear of blood and a fraction of wand. They quickly changed this spell to the much weaker "Avada Kedavra." --Rebecca Krznarich
* Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom. --Carrie Wittmer
* If you're looking for Neville on the Marauder's map, he's labeled "BAMF." --Ben Mapa
* Thestrals can only see Neville Longbottom if they've witnessed someone dying. --Fridolin Heer
* Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment. --Melissa E
* They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied. --Michelle Varner
* They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of "Clue" but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."' --Kayla Yates
* Dumbledore seriously considered calling it The Order of Neville Longbottom before he settled on The Order of the Phoenix. --Carla Jimenez
* King Leonidas and the 300 were Neville Longbottom's bitches. --Ryan Figueroa
* Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil. --Suzi Ditman
* Neville's blood has thirteen uses. --Seth Just
* Even phoenix tears won't cure wounds inflicted by Neville Longbottom. --Erin Ouellette
* Neville needs a remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember. --Mandan Naderi
* Neville's patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him. --Andy Weissler
* Merlin got an Order of Neville, Third Class. --Jamal Hill
* Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery. --Lance Sawyer
* Someone once asked Neville if there was alien life out in the universe. Neville replied, "There used to be." --Zack McAfee
* When Severus Snape looks into Neville Longbottom's mind, he only sees a sword coming at his neck. --Billy Garcia
* Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini. --Chris Masterson
* Neville is listed in "Fantasic Beasts and Where to Find Them" with a Ministry of Magic Classification XXXXXX. This classification was created specifically for Neville. --Sharmin Abbasi
* God first created man. Thinking he could do better, God created women. Then God created Neville Longbottom. --Jeff Brunelle’s Beautiful Girlfriend
* Neville Longbottom taught the Veela how to dance. --Sarah Ferris
* When Neville Longbottom golfs, he uses a snake for the ball, and a sword for the club. --Chris French
* Hogwarts no longer teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, they just hand out Neville Longbottom masks. --Kyle Boger
* Trevor the toad never really escapes. Neville Longbottom sends Trevor hunting for other students' pets. --Laura Maurice
* Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley. --Alexander Nicholson
* Neville Longbottom sectumsempra'd his way out of his mother's womb. Ever since, muggles have called this operation a "C-section". --Blake Mundell
* Neville Longbottom wears a Lethifold as a cape. --Philip Brooks
* When Neville uses the knight bus, he calls himself Harry Potter to avoid all the attention. --Nora Stedman
* It was once suggested that "Diagon Alley" be changed to "Longbottom Alley." The idea was almost immediately cast aside, because nobody crosses Neville Longbottom and lives. --Chris Faria
* Most people can slam doors. Neville can slam Floo powder. --Katie Fontes
* Neville's alphabet soup only ever contains four letters: B, A, M, and F --Nora Stedman
* There is no Night and Day. Only Neville saying "Lumos." --Victor Ryan
* Neville Longbottom is often transported to the Room of Requirement, because the Room Requires Neville. --Melissa O and her brother
* When Draco Malfoy found out he was worth a whole 12th of Neville Longbottom, he cried for joy. --Adam Dixon
* The wizard prison was originally named after Neville - it used to be Bad-Asskaban. --Cordi Morrison
* When Neville Apparates, he doesn't move -- the rest of the world shifts according to his design. The fact that this causes disasters like the Asian tsunami to occur is of little consequence to Neville. --Alexander Nicholson
* The sorcerer's stone can give people immortality. Neville can take it away. --Gavin Begg
* Polyjuice Potion is only rationed because Neville got sick of losing all his bodily hair. --Claire Stone
* Voldemort and the Death Eaters were actually created in the Room of Requirement. Neville walked passed it 3 times thinking he needed some opponents who were not laughably pathetic in comparison to him. Some things, not even magic can do. --Jason Taibi
* They thought of making a Neville puppet for Potter Puppet Pals...but nobody makes fun of Neville Longbottom and wakes up the following morning. --Mle Larkin
* Followers of Voldemort are known as "Death Eaters." Followers of Neville Longbottom are know as "Death Eater Eaters." --Jordan Smith
* "Voldemort killed yer parents, 'arry", said Hagrid. "And then 'e came upstairs for you. O'course, what 'e didn't know wuz that they wuz babysitting Neville at the time..." --Steve Cooper
* Bound by the full Body-Bind curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said "I have them right where I want them." --Michael Selleck
* Originally, Professor Dumbledore was going to have Neville Longbottom guard the Sorcerer's Stone. But he couldn't figure out how to defeat him to get it back, so he went with plan B. --Matt Allen
* Neville was standing on the Vatican balcony with the Pope and someone said “Who’s that up there with Neville?” --Shay Shay
* Not to be outdown, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again. --Rachel Gilbert
* Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence. --Chris Faria
* Neville Longbottom listens to Mandrake cries on his iPod for entertainment. --Simon Nicholson
* Voldemort's Boggart is Trevor. --Shafkat Hossain
* To access the Marauder's Map, and Neville has to say is "I'm Neville Longbottom...bitch..." --Giacomo Calabria
Chuck Noris is Neville Longbottom, pretending to be a muggle.
J. K. Rowling was going to announce the location of the real Neville Longbottom, but the world wasn't ready for the death a famous wealthy author.
Neville Longbottom invented the hippogriff when an bald eagle and a horse ran into each other while trying to escape Neville Longbottom's stare.
Neville Longbottom taught mandrakes how to scream. He finds the sounds soothe him to sleep.
If the real Neville Longbottom was captured on film, your camera would take on a life of it's own, take a plane to sunny Florida and expose it's film if only die with it's last picture being of Neville Longbottom.
If Neville were good at potions, Snape would be out of the job forever, and Neville would be the first 11-year-old professor.
If J. K. Rowling had published her original series, "Neville Longbottom" we would never know beauty and half-way decent sexual pleasure ever again, and the mass hysteria and suicide attempts once J. K. Rowling died to never write another book would cause the mass extinction of our species, not to mention our solar system, because our world revolves around Neville Longbottom. We just don't know it.
Neville is single as far as we know, because if he wasn't, he'd become a male widow many many many times, and most of the wizarding world would be in Azkaban, because Neville is a most gracious Lord to give such a light punishment.

White Mountain School of Magic

2011-03-14T15:19:00.001-07:00

So, what if there was a magical school here in the U.S.?

After Lewis and Clark had a disappointing camp stay at the Glacier Mountains on the Marias River, two magical explorers who followed them began building an impressive school for young wiards at that site.

Within an number of decades, scores of children flooded into the school.

The school expanded and magic was taught there, but not just European magic. Other forms of magic were taught as well. The school is famous all over the world, yet Europeans think the school is too liberal in its teachings. But the people there held onto the principles that built the school, which were equality and the ability to fullfill one's complete potential regardless of race, background or class. And that was also how the United States was founded.

So, is the school based on Hogwarts? Well, someone who like Harry Potter created this idea. But will it be part of a book? I hope so.

Link: http://www.spew.sedyn.net/whitemt/whitemt.html#menu

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